Tenth Anniversary Adventures

Anniversary time! Stacy and I had our big tenth this weekend. I took the weekend off so we could spend some time alone together. This will be the first time since Vicki was a baby (now seven) that we've been away from the kid(s). We headed out to Chincoteague Island on the VA shore Friday night. The island's main claim to fame is bordering Asseteague Island, home of herds of wild ponies. While we didn't get to see any of the ponies because of smoke from some mainland wildfires, we had an excellent time.

We stayed at Miss Molly's Inn, a bed and breakfast in an old Victorian mansion. Marquerite Henry wrote the Newbury Award-winning novel about the Chincoteague horses, Misty of Chincoteague, while staying there. Having made our reservations late, we ended up in one of the attic rooms, but even that was great. The whole house was out of square, walking up the stairs was like being in a V8 commercial. The furnishings were antique and books were everywhere. In other words, a place specifically designed to piss off kids. Fantastic!

The next day, we went to the beach. Having perhaps the most alabaster skin this side of a bad poem, Stacy and I opted for the beach umbrella and SPF you-can-swim-in-the-sun-with-this-stuff-on sun block. Stacy insisted on bringing buckets and shovels to build a masterpiece in the sand. Unbeknownst to me, Stacy has never built a sand castle before. We've been to Hawaii twice, she's been three times total, and she's never done it. I feel kinda bad, since we actually didn't get to do it this time either. Instead, we did what all cheesy tourists do at the beach, buried each other. The water was frigid. We swam in it anyway, of course. At least until we couldn't feel our feet anymore. The rest of the time, we just read on the beach. That is the life.

Anyway, here's the pics:



As for anniversary gifts, Stacy gave me mine early. A little background, I went golfing for the first time in my life last month. I had a great time and have been wanting to go again since then. After a few "hints" from me and from a couple of my golf partners, Stacy bought me the only logical thing she could:




Is she not awesome?

For my part, I got Stacy a surprise gift. Gleaning on some hints she dropped months ago, I picked up a top-of-the-line TomTom GPS for the minivan. To throw her off the scent, since the purchase was sizable, I told her I had bought a new router to replace our erratic one. She was naturally confused as to why I didn't install it as soon as it got here. I mumbled something about waiting until FiOS came to our area and she forgot all about it. Earlier in the week, I broke it out while she was at a PTO meeting and had the girls record direction prompts. When I picked Stacy and Vicki up from ballet Friday night to head to Chincoteague, the GPS was installed. Stacy was dully surprised. I think her words were to the effect of, "Scott! You booger!" I love surprising her.

GPS rocks, by the way. Although we did get lost following it to pick up the girls. We listened to its directions even though the road we were on had a "Dead End" sign. I should have gotten the maps updated before we used it. It was a great diversion, however, as we surprised a bunch of high school kids setting up for a kegger at the end of an industrial park alley. It was hilarious! The first couple of kids parked on the side of the road before a small cul de sac just stared at us as we drove by, bald fat guy with a long goatee and chick with pink hair in a big minivan with a Tinkerbell antenna topper. I can't imagine what was going through their heads. I wonder if they scattered after we turned around and left? I tried to get Stacy to call the cops on them. No youth is complete without running from the cops at least once.

Hm. I guess my childhood wasn't complete.

What Do You Get for Fathers Day? Double Blog Post!

Woo hoo! Congrats to all the dads out there for making it through one more year. Happy Fathers Day! I decided to celebrate the day, I'd post not just once, but twice! I know, I know, it's an amazing gift. Don't spend it all in one place.

I had a great fathers day today. I received my fathers day gift a couple of days ago, but still haven't used it. For a while now, I've been frustrated by our charcoal grill. The time it requires to warm up and the frequent moving food to find hot spots has worn on me over the years. Since our most recent one has started to rust, I've been looking at new ones.

This is what Stacy got me:



Yup! Nice, eh? Stacy rocks.

Not only that, but the girls bought me Batman Pez, I have Batman, The Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin. They also got me a couple of talking cards, including an Indiana Jones one that played a personalized message and the Indy theme. Very sweet.

I've got a great family.

Gastrointestinal Blues

Stacy woke up in the middle of the night with some serious gastrointestinal complaints. After hearing her repeated trips to the bathroom, I decided that there was no way she was able to take care of our three kids, the two she watches every day, and herself. So I'm home today taking care of the girls. I feel a little bad that we canceled day care on such short notice, but there was no predicting this one. I'm more sad that I'm going to miss the farewell lunch for my coworker today. I wish her well in her new job at ThinkGeek

My previous class ended Monday and the next one won't start until next Tuesday, so I'm left with a bit more free time than I'm accustomed to. Maybe I'll have a chance to update this blog a little more regularly this week.

Yeah, you're right, probably not. I'm too much of a slacker and I won't amount to nuthin'.

It's All a C - O - N - Spiracy

Being sick sucks. At least I know I'm in good company. I have counted at least five other friends and family that have sinus infections or colds right now. What is up with that? That's the kind of thing that you expect to happen in the Winter, not at the beginning of Summer. I'd blame global warming if it wasn't so clearly a fabrication by the liberal media in some convoluted scheme to get me to subscribe to their homosexual agenda.

Department of Other People's Departments

Just a quick post to point you to Stacy's post from today:

Steps to freak out your husband

It was a good freak out, so don't hesitate to click the link.

Indian Jones and the Geriatric Kingdom of the Arthritic Skull

Note: I had this mostly written up this weekend, but circumstances arose that prevented me from posting it until now. Sorry for the tardiness!

Stacy and I went to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with a bunch of friends this weekend. What can I say but that it was an Indiana Jones movie, through and through?

Indiana Jones movies definitely follow a formula. First, we get to see Indy in his element. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, he is retrieving a golden idol from an ancient temple in the Peruvian jungle; a rousing John Williams score and adventure ensue. In Temple of Doom, he is exchanging the ancient remains of Nurhaci with some Shanghai gangsters; a rousing John Williams score and adventure ensue. In Last Crusade, he is a young boy and retrieving the Cross of Coronado from grave robbers; a rousing John Williams score and adventure ensue.

Steve Spielberg always treats us to character development during the whirlwind adventure in act I. We get to look into a small window into Indiana’s character. One of my favorite things about the first acts in the Indy movies is that he is revealed as wholly human: fallible and mortal. Indiana isn’t super human, things don’t always go his way, he doesn’t always make the right decision. I think this element of the Indiana character helps us normal people identify with him.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull doesn’t part from the norm. The first act starts strong and doesn’t finish until Indiana Jones survives a nuclear bomb. Oops, spoiler alert. I don’t feel too bad, it’s a tiny spoiler and I guarantee I didn’t ruin it for you. I could be wrong, but I think Kingdom features the longest first act of the four movies in the franchise. I have no complaint; the first act is the most fun-loving of the three. You don’t yet have a sense of the seriousness of the opposition or what is at stake in the first act. It’s just good clean adventure. We get more insight into Indy, which is very important considering how much water has flowed under his bridge since last we saw him.

The second act of the Indiana Jones movies usually involves a bit of exposition. This usually happens in Indy’s day job at Marshall College. (The events of the first act in Temple of Doom force Indy to have act II in an Indian village and temple, though.) We get to see how every student wants a piece of Indy, sometimes in a good way, sometimes, not so good. Spielberg reveals the impetus of act III here, too.

Act III consists of the culmination of the previous two acts along with a healthy dose of the supernatural. No matter how faux-realistic the first two acts are, the last one always pushes at the borders of reality, first with the decidedly macabre opening of the Ark of the Covenant, then with the Thugee priest and sacred stone’s otherworldly powers, and rounding out the original trilogy with the divine power of the Holy Grail.

Kingdom’s act III, as its previous two acts, follows suit more so. It’s as if Spielberg distilled down the essence of Indiana Jones plots and presented them to us in a concentrated form. The first act is longer and more adventurous than its predecessors, the second act, while expository, includes more than a healthy amount of adventure as well, and the final act stretches the boundaries between reality and fantasy even further (in my opinion) than the previous three movies.

As for the acting, we have an interesting mix in this one. First and foremost is Harrison Ford. Can he do it? Can he pull off the physically demanding role of Indiana Jones so long, a full nineteen years, after his last outing as Indy? Yes. Yes he can. Ford is Indiana Jones, there is no doubt of it as soon as he steps out of the trunk of the car in the opening scene and dusts off his signature fedora. Time has obviously passed for him, but Spielberg handles that easily by adding enticing hints into Indy’s life since Last Crusade and the fact that the movie is set in the fifties. Also, dig Scrub's Janitor as an uptight FBI agent!

Karen Allen reprises her role as Marion Ravenwood, Indy’s love interest from his youth and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Marion has always been my favorite foil for Indy. She’s tough, no nonsense, and witty. She knows how to handle herself and Indiana, but she still has a soft spot for him. Those feelings haven’t been lost, just tempered with the years between Raiders and Kingdom. Their relationship adds for some excellent dynamics in act III.

That does it for recurring roles. My favorite newcomer by far is Mutt Williams, played by the always entertaining Shia “The LaBeouf” LaBeouf. The LaBeouf shines as an insecure greaser kid, intent on rescuing his mother and childhood mentor, Professor “Ox” Oxley (John Hurt). He masks his insecurities with a tough-as-nails attitude and a fixation with his switchblade.

John Hurt is one of my favorite elderly British actors. I loved him as Professor Broom on Hellboy. Professor Ox is a bit more eccentric, but still enjoyable to watch.

Somewhat enjoyable, but also possessing that wince-inducing quality of a British actor portraying a Russian soldier, is Cate Blanchett as a special officer of the Russian intelligence (I think,) Irina Spalko. She’s chilling and enigmatic, but lacks the sinister quality of Indy’s previous arch-villains.

Ray "I'll Kill Your Monstah!" Winstone, who I totally did not recognize, played Indy’s old as-yet-unmentioned friend George ‘Mac’ McHale. Where we have The LaBeouf playing the young innocent sidekick almost a la Jonathan Ke Quan as Short Round in Temple, Mac plays the world-wise, self-serving sidekick. No Sallah, he. His performance is quite good. You really don’t know where he stands until the end. Speaking of Sallah, I really missed seeing John Rhys-Davies as my favorite Egyptian and Denholm Elliot as my favorite bungling dean of students, Marcus Brody.

Igor Jijikine is only notable as Dovchenko because he fills the ever-important role of the burly Eastern European that just won’t fall down. This character is vital to the Indiana Jones series. Without him, we wouldn’t have the immensely satisfying SMACK of fist on flesh that sounds so unique in the Indy series.

All of these factors combine to make a thoroughly enjoyable installment in the Indiana Jones Franchise. While the movie may not appeal to those that aren’t fans of the films, it will hit all the triggers that Indy enthusiasts enjoy. Being a fan of the Indy movies, Harrison Ford, Spielberg, and many of the other actors in the movie, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

I give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull twelve out of thirteen crystal skulls on a scale I just made up that might just mean something.

Chronic - What? - les of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Stacy and I took the girls to see the latest installment in The Chronicles of Narnia franchise, Prince Caspian, last night. We should probably preview these movies before we take the kids to them, but getting out alone to do that is nearly impossible, unless we really go out alone, leaving the other to watch the kids. Stacy is actually going to do that to see Iron Man. I told her that I loved her enough to watch the kids while she went off to watch an awesome movie without me. Actually, I think my exact words were, "If it's a choice between seeing the movie alone or not seeing it at all, then go to Iron Man alone." It's that good.

Wait, this isn't another Iron Man review. Let's get back to the prince. The reason I mentioned previewing movies for the girls is the sheer amount of violence in this movie. Don't get me wrong, it's rated PG, but if you watch closely, you can see why. There's little to no blood, no actual evidence of wounds caused by blade or horn, only one on-screen death. They were very savvy in shooting and editing this film to retain the PG rating.

Did that make it a bad movie? NO! It was a great movie. It was just violent. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy that had no problem taking his girls to Speed Racer, a movie filled with ninja fights, cars with deadly weapons, and general race track viciousness. I think the fantasy violence is a little more visceral than the Speed Racer fare. It just stood out to me.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe scribe/director, Andrew Adamson, returns to give us Prince Caspian. I didn't realize until looking him up that he also directed all three Shrek movies as well as penning the last two. With the consistent hand of someone familiar with the world of Narnia as well as six of the actors from the first, Adamson delivers his vision of the fantasy world exactly as before. The feel of Narnia and her denizens remained, which I think served the movie well.

In this tale, we are introduced to Prince Caspian, played by Ben Barnes. Caspian is the tenth in a long line of despotic rulers that invaded Narnia shortly after the Pevensies left at the end of the first story. Since time passes differently in Narnia, ten generations of these Telmarine invaders have lived and flourished in the space of one year for the Pevensie kids in the real world. Caspian's rule is threatened, however, by his power hungry uncle, Lord Miraz, played by Sergio Castellitto. Fleeing the castle on the night of the birth of Miraz's son, Caspian happens across true Narnians and in his fear summons the Kings and Queens of old, the Pevensies.

Here we are re-introduced to Peter (William Moseley), Susan(Anna Popplewell), Edmund(Skandar Keynes), and Lucy(Georgie Henley). In a move that would shock Hollywood executives all over California, the creators of Prince Caspian actually managed to get the actors back into recording while they still looked only a year older. I am the most disappointed in the Pevensies in this story than in any other in C.S. Lewis's series. I always thought the story of Prince Caspian showed us the Pevensies at their worst, but the movie really showcases their lack of nobility and grace that a lifetime as kings and queens in Narnia should have taught them. This is not a knock on the actors. They portray them exactly as they should be, I think.

The first thing we see of Peter is him brawling another schoolboy because he was treated like a child. We see Susan brush off a geeky boy by giving him a false name. We find later that Lucy, by postponing a very important task, may have caused much unnecessary harm. The only one that seems to have grown is Edmund, the worst of the lot from the first story. In this one, he comes to his brother's aid not once, but twice. He believes Lucy when no one else will, and generally shows more chivalry and wisdom than any of the others.

After being teleported back to Narnia, the children discover how long they have been away, first through some exploration on their own, and then through some exposition from my favorite Narnian dwarf, at least as of the viewing of this movie, Trumpkin. In the first stroke of genius casting in this movie, played by Peter Dinklage. For those of you too lazy to click on the link, he's the small actor du jour now. He's where Warwick Davis was about a decade ago in his career. Speaking of which, Mr. Davis plays the evil dwarf, Nikabrik. Interesting casting for Davis. I've not seen him play anything more threatening as a Nelwin before. He's good, but he's no Dinklage.

Trumpkin re-introduces the Pevensies to the world of Narnia as it is now. Eventually they meet up with Caspian and the meat of the story really begins. Through a clashes of steel and wills, the Pevensies, Caspian, Miraz, the Narnians, and the Telmarines struggle for control of Narnia. Where's my favorite character through all of this? Where's Aslan? No where to be found, unfortunately. Aslan doesn't make his true appearance until rather late in the movie. When he does though, it's pretty kickass. Voiced again by Liam Neeson, he as impressive and imposing as Aslan should be.

The only other character I feel worth noting is one that has been another of my favorites from the books, thankfully voiced by a favorite actor/comedian of mine, Reepicheep the mouse. Eddie Izzard brings him to life in Prince Caspian. While he serves as a worthy comic foil, he has an appeal of his own, I think.

All four Pevensie actors play their parts well. I was especially impressed with their stunt work. I am sad that we will not get to see Moseley and Popplewell reprise their roles again, as the next Narnia story features the younger two Pevensies and a new boy in Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I hope we will see a return of Keynes, Henley, Neeson, Izzard, Dinklage, and Barnes, preferably directed by Adamson.

I give The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian 15 out of 17 DLFs on a scale that I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

Doin' My Best to Stay Outta the Bathroom!

Being sick sucks. I came down with whatever stomach crud Vicki started with last week. So, rather than get some important work done and follow it up with a trip to the latest Narnia flick with my family Monday, I spent the day trying not to barf my guts up. I'm just getting to the point where I feel somewhat human and it's Tuesday afternoon. Looks like we won't be making it to Prince Caspian for another day or so. I'm hoping it will be before Friday night, because that night is reserved for...

bum ba da bum bum, bum ba da bum bum

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL!

Go, Speed, Go!

Bad Scott! Bad Scott! I went to Speed Racer not once, but twice last weekend. I had fully intended on posting a review Sunday, but I got sick for the first half of the week and then busy with work and school for the second half. Yeah, I know, excuses are like a**holes, they crash parties and make people uncomfortable, or something like that.

"You saw it twice?" I hear you say in my mind, "There's no way a live-action remake of an old Japanese cartoon could be that good."

"Hah!" I say, "Shows what you know! How'd you get in here anyway? My head's only got room for one, thankyewverymuch. There's the door."

I went to opening night with a couple of friends and enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Knowing full well that Stacy was not interested in the movie, I decided to take the girls to it the next day while she was out doing scrapbook stuff. They loved it. Well, mostly. Scarlett fell asleep halfway through. That should be more of a testament to how tired she was since she refused to nap and not to how ho-hum the movie is.

Because ho-hum it ain't. This isn't the Wachowski bros first rodeo, and it shows. The writing/directing team of brothers Andy and Larry showed considerable polish in their treatment of the venerable Speed Racer.

Before I get into the movie proper, I should give you my background on Speed Racer. Scratch that, before I get into my background, I should give you some background on Speed Racer. Speed was one of the early anime (nee Japanamation) imports to hit American television. The original series is circa 1967, if that tells you anything.

The animation is sub-par, especially by today's standards. Shortcuts abound, such as static scenes with minor animation, speed line backgrounds, reused footage, etc. The dubbing is laughable. You can tell the voice actors are trying their best to fit all the words into the small amount of time the characters are actually moving their mouths while other moments are given over wholly to reaction grunts. Oooh! Ahhh! Uhhhh? That kind of thing.

What Speed Racer had going for it was excitement. The excitement of a race car called Mach 5 (kick@$$ name!) that could jump, cut through trees, go underwater, whatever they wanted it to do. The excitement of a death race as Speed went head to head with ruthless criminals and spies, both on the track and off. The intrigue of Racer X, who you knew was Speed's presumed-dead brother, but was still a mystery to Speed and family. Plus, there's a chimp. All things that appealed to young Scott.

So I had a bit of nostalgia for Speed Racer. Not an immense amount, the bad animation and dubbing still stand out in my mind.

Speed Racer The Movie blew me away. I could tell by the previews that it was going to be psychedelic, as it should be. The old series had that drug-induced fever dream quality to it, so it was appropriate. They delivered much more than that, though. The Wachowski's get credit for ignoring physics whenever they became inconvenient to giving us a bit of eye candy. I respect that if you're trying to tell a story about a car that can jump and flip 20-30 feet in the air, repeatedly bash other cars with no signs of damage, contain a plethora of secret gadgets (Spritle, would you say I have a plethora of gadgets? Si, si, Speed, a plethora! Spritle, do you know what a plethora is? Hah! I crack myself up.) and still race around a track that would give any NASCAR driver nightmares for weeks, then you don't need to be tied down by such mundane details as gravity, cause and effect, material strength, and all that crap.

The cast has some winners in it. Speed is played by Emile Hirsch, who has a kind of recognizable quality. That's not because I've seen him in anything, he just reminds me of other actors. He did a passable job. Sadly enough, the role of Speed is the most forgiving of any of them. Speed is the Hero, any young man with the right look that can deliver that Hero persona would probably have worked in the role. Hirsch does well in his emotional personal conflicts, which is certainly more maturity than we ever got from the original series.

Christina Ricci seemed to me an odd choice for Speed's girl, Trixie. Don't get me wrong, she did a great job, she just seemed an odd fit. Trixie was always a bit of a dim damsel in distress in the original series. Ricci's Trixie was a bit more competent and helpful, which is just fine.

Matthew "Lost" Fox was fun to watch as Racer X. He's definitely got the brooding mysterious hero look down pat. He showed quite a bit of range, more than I expected from the character. I don't know whether to attribute that to the bros Wachowski or Fox, but kudos anyway. His counterpart, Scott "Friday Night Lights" Porter as pre-Racer-X Rex is good, but he has little screen time.

Now for the brilliant casting. John Goodman as Pops? Genius! Goodman has the build, demeanor, and facial expressions that make him perfect for the role. Perhaps the greatest moment, strike that, the greatest moment with Pops was watching him wipe the floor with a ninja using his old wrestling moves. A ninja. I couldn't stop laughing.

Trixie: Was that a ninja?
Pops: More like a nonja. Terrible what passes for a ninja these days.

Great line or greatest line ever?

Susan Sarandon as Mom. At first glance, she seems to be a bit of an over-qualified actress for the role. However, Sarandon brings a spirit and heart to the maternal character that solidifies the sub-text of family unity that would be sorely lacking without her presence. That was a good bit of casting.

Paulie Litt as Spritle. Speed's younger brother would always tag along in the adventures by hiding in the trunk of the Mach 5 with his trusty companion, Chim Chim, in the old series. That hasn't changed at all. The extra scenes given to Spritle and the family chimp were well worth the effort. While obviously thrown in to keep the kiddies amused, there's no discounting the power of a chimp in entertaining folks of all ages. Litt channels his inner New-Yorker as the protective hero-worshipper to his older brother Speed, while retaining independence as a troublemaker and Saturday morning martial artist. The moment he and Chim Chim squared off over the sofa as their favorite cartoon Kung Fu characters, I was sold.

Roger Allam as the villainous Royalton was another master stroke. I don't know Allam from anything, not from lack of acting. I just don't watch in his circles, I guess. He comes across so smarmily at the beginning that it's impossible to not recognize him as a dastardly character with a shriveled, black heart. Allam sold it and I loved the character because I was supposed to hate him. Is that weird?

I'm going to cut the name dropping there. That's not the whole principle cast, but it's enough. The others did well enough. I just really enjoyed the performances of these guys a bit more.

We're already moving into epistle territory, so I'll touch on the story and other elements then wrap this up. Speed is a small-time racer with an eye on the Grand Prix, like any aspiring driver. Obviously talented, he is scoped out by the corrupt Royalton to join the "winning team". After finding out the truth, that the every high-level race is rigged by the corporate big-wigs behind the scenes, Speed (with a little convincing) decides to Do The Right Thing (tm) and fight the Powers That Be (also tm). One of the defining factors of Speeds life up to this moment was the loss of his older brother Rex to the cutthroat world of rally racing. Little does he know that his brother faked his death and now races from the shadows as the Harbinger of Boom, Racer X. With the help of this mysterious stranger, his family, and his girl Trixie, Speed races to right the wrongs of the big business fat cats and teach them rotten nogoodniks a lesson.

I already touched on the action a bit, what with the leaping race cars and other gadgets. The races are truly exciting. My favorite race by far was the rally race near the middle of the movie. Racing against four extremely hostile teams (as well as the rest of the racers,) Speed, Racer X, and their sponsoring team's racer, Taejo (Rain), ride through three climate changes and countless dangers. We get to see poison sprayers, sledgehammers, (remote controlled!) tire knives, giant steel spiked balls on the end of chains, and a, I kid you not, catapult loaded with a beehive. Classic!

There was also a particularly good fight scene during this race, though it doesn't come close to Pops Vs. Nonja. As the originators of "bullet time" I feel that the Wachowski's were under some pressure to deliver another cool fight-scene dynamic. They did. This time, they used the pretense of snowfall to create speed lines of sorts behind particularly fast and vicious punches and kicks. It sounds kinda cheesy, but the combination of the effect with the judicious use of slow and fast filming made for some great eye candy.

I also enjoyed, as did my girls, the mechanism the Wachowski bros. dreamed up for soon-to-die racers to net them that PG rating. Right before a car would suffer a mortal crash, sensors would trigger a safety mechanism that would cocoon the racer in a sphere of elastic bubbles. As the car exploded in a fiery, er, fireball, the racer would bounce out in a cute CGI sphere of bubbles, presumably picked up later safe and sound.

I knew this blockbuster season was going to be good. Prince Caspian opens today and (cue heavenly choir) Indiana Jones opens next week. There is a movie opening every week from now until the end of summer that I will probably try to see. However, I was not expecting to enjoy the first two so thoroughly. First, we were given Iron Man, which was undeniably awesome. Next, Speed Racer, which blew me away. I really wasn't expecting it to be that good. Plus, there's a chimp!

I give Speed Racer forty-two out of forty-five Chim Chim Cookies on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

To forestall any complaints about my reviews (like anyone that reads this cares enough to complain,) I know that my reviews are not completely objective and don't really take a critical look at the plot, writing, etc. Here's what I have to say to that. Phbtbtbtbtbtbt! Git yer own blog! I know what I like and I tell you why I liked it or didn't. You want a well-thought review that deeply examines the finer points of the cinematic experience, then go look up one of the psuedo-intellectual "critics" that foist that crap on the public. They're movies, the blockbusters in particular bear only a passing resemblance to art. If I wanted to pay $20.00 to see art, I'd take the metro into DC and pay to get into a high-end museum. Enjoy the blockbusters for the visceral thrills and spills, or you're going to waste your twenty.

Iron Man's Island

I know you're all dying to read my review of Iron Man, which I had intended to post Friday night/Saturday morning, right after the movie, but I suck, so I didn't. Well guess what? You get a bonus review of Nim's Island first! Aren't you lucky! Don't say I never gave you anything nice. Now, for those of you not interested in the heart-warming tale of little Nim and her self-titled island, feel free to skip past the review and head straight for my take on the face rocking that is Iron Man.

Nim's Island

For a movie that could be described as a three-way cross between Swiss Family Robinson, Home Alone, and Romancing the Stone, Nim's Island does pretty good. It is definitely a family movie, with the most threatening villain played by a bevy of fat cruise ship tourists and their hosts, but it had its moments.

Nim's Island is the story of how Nim (Abigail Breslin) and her scientist father, Jack (Gerard Butler), come to meet agoraphobic adventure novelist, Alexandra Rover (Jodie Foster). Early in Nim's life, her scientist mother was lost in an unfortunate scienty accident involving a blue whale. Searching the seven seas for their lost mother and wife, Nim and her father eventually settle on an uninhabited "secret" island in the South Pacific.

Naturally, life is idyllic in their tropical home. Nim has a host of animal friends to educate her
"Mr. Pelican, can you teach me the Galileo's principles of falling objects?"
"Caw!" [drops two differently-sized fish at the same time]
"Gee, thanks!"
Yes, this movie features intelligent, animatronic animals. This is not a selling point in my book, but thankfully the animatronic scenes are rare. Life like this continues until Nim's scientist father has to take a trip out into the ocean to do scienty stuff while Nim has to stay behind to help baby turtles (cue soft ooohing.)

Of course, this doesn't end well. It ends horribly, with Nim stranded on an island and her dad stranded in the middle of the ocean. Nim turns to the only person she can think of in her time of need, adventurer Alex Rover (played imaginarily by Gerard Butler, graduate of Eddie Murphy's school of acting,) conveniently reached by satellite email. Since the person behind Alex Rover is agoraphobic Alexandra Rover, mistaken identity hijinx ensue. After a not-so-helpful phone call to a New York 911 operator, agoraphobic Alexandra can't think of anything to do to help but brave the outside world and travel to Nim's island to help the little girl in distress.

The rest of the movie details Alexandra's attempts to make it to the island, which are by far, the most entertaining scenes of the movie. While Jodie Foster has never been at the top of my hot actress list, she really looked haggard in this movie. I think it was intentional, as near the end, she looked a bit better. Perhaps it was a statement on how the human condition improves when one focuses on the needs of others rather than one's own problems. Perhaps she just had a crappy makeup artist that got fired before the last few scenes were filmed. I don't know. These scenes treat us to the best in novelist-traveling-in-unfamiliar-locations moments since Romancing the Stone.

Also covered are Nim's too-cute attempts to keep her island secret from the aforementioned cruise ship tourists. It was no worse than I expected, but the Home Alone factor ceased to entertain after the first Macaulay Culkin feature.

I felt the worse for scientist father as he struggled to return home to Nim despite increasingly overwhelming odds. Every time he made progress, Mother Nature would deliver a soul-shattering backhand.

There's really nothing to say about the supporting cast, other than the cruise ship captain was fun to watch, if a bit of a caricature.

Nim's Island is not a bad movie. It's just not a good movie either. Chances are, if you have kids, they'll love it. It's good enough as little-kiddie fare goes. Having children that are very sensitive to scary imagery (they get nightmares from watching Monsters Inc,) I can sign off on this one as harmless as Pete's Dragon.

I give Nim's Island 22 out of 56 flying cgi lizards on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

Iron Man

Damn, this is a good movie.

Let me address the few minor complaints I have heard about this movie so far. First, the music. It's not horrible, no cheesy keyboards or anything like that, but it's not the thrilling fare you'd expect in a movie like this. Sadder still is the fact that its score was produced by legendary film soundscape creator, Hans Zimmer. Go ahead, click on his link. You'll see why I call him legendary. Those are some impressive credits.) I can't really defend the movie on this criticism. The music score should have been better.

The only other complaint I have heard is about the pacing. I really can't agree with this. Unlike other superhero movies (I'm looking at you, Hulk,) we see Iron Man kicking terrorist butt within the first half-hour. Act II doesn't feature many explosions, but we get important plot, character, and technology progression, without which, Act III would make no sense. Not only that, but most of the movie's laughs happen in Act II.

Gwyneth Paltrow as Virginia "Pepper" Potts, our lead character's major domo. While I have never found Paltrow stunning, I can't deny that she's attractive. I wouldn't have chosen her for the role of the ginger Potts, but her acting skills are undeniable. Her actions and reactions as the caretaker of the brilliantly eccentric Tony Stark are spot on, preventing me from thinking twice about Paltrow as Pepper. Although I did have a problem with her role as damsel in distress, or rather, as how she became such. More on that later.

The final complaint is my own. I understand that the creators wanted Pepper to be the one to take care of Tony's every need, but I missed his companion from the comics, Jarvis. Jarvis is to Tony Stark what Alfred is to Bruce Wayne. relegating him to a British-accented computer was a misstep, I think, but not a deal-breaker.

The superhero genre has been richly blessed in the past decade since Blade was released. We have seen amazing casting such as Patrick Stewart as Professor Xavier, Ian McKellen as Magneto, and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson (born for the role.) Now we have Robert Downey Jr. I don't think there is another actor that could have nailed the role of Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man, as good as Downey. The fact that Tony Stark is an alcoholic @$$hole and Downey has had numerous scandals for substance abuse in the past few years may have a little to do with it, but I credit Downey's talent with his excellent depiction of the billionaire superhero.

Another great casting call is Jeff Bridges as Obidiah Stane. I don't think Bridges has had enough roles as a villain. I don't say this because he did a poor job at it. I say this because I would love to see him in that role again. He was cold as ice. One of the other villains, Raza, was played by Faran Tahir. Not bad. He definitely had enough malice to fill the shoes of the Mandarin, if that is who is destined to become in a sequel.

Terrence Howard played the part of Tony's military liaison and closest thing to best friend, James "Roady" Rhodes. As the straight man to Tony's eccentric, he does well. He doesn't shine, but he does well. If he is to take up the Iron Man mantle in the future like his comic book analog, I expect a better performance then. Rounding out the cast are Leslie Bibb as a reporter/mindless conquest, who will always conjure up images of the red-neck ex-wife of Ricky Bobby in my mind, and Jon Favreau in a bit of self-casting as Harold "Happy" Hogan, Tony's chauffeur.

As for Favreau's other duties in Iron Man, he directs a mean movie. For those not familiar with Iron Man from the comics, here's the story in a nutshell. Tony Stark is the brilliant progeny of a weapons manufacturer tycoon. He stays in the family business until he is near-fatally wounded by some shrapnel in a war zone. Captured, his fellow prisoner creates a device to prevent the shrapnel from entering his heart, giving Tony the idea to create a mechanized suit of armor to protect himself and escape. The armor is wildly successful and Tony goes on to create ever more advanced suits while fighting supercrime and moonlighting as a billionaire tycoon.

That's pretty much the story in both the comic and the movie. The movie, however, is much more exciting than that little paragraph implies. Not only do we get to see Iron Man school terrorists once, but twice. We also get to witness some of what made the Armor Wars storyline in the comics the greatest Iron Man story so far. The special effects on the suits were phenomenal. Depicting believable metal is perhaps one of CGI's greatest strengths. ILM worked that strength for all it was worth. I never once suffered a break in my suspension of disbelief. Of course, having one of Hollywood's greatest special effects houses work on your movie will get you that. Favreau does his part with the live characters to keep that going.

He faltered in one place, though. Having Pepper accompany the Strategic Homeland Intervention Espionage Logistics Division (Just call us SHIELD, har!) agents to arrest the villain made no practical sense. If we take a more meta-textual look at it, the move was an easy way to make her a damsel in distress. However, there must be dozens of different ways to achieve that effect.

No worries, though. The break in suspension is only momentary as the action draws you right back in. So we have Act I, character development and terrorist @$$kicking, Act II, character, plot, and technology, with frequent tasteful humor capped by terrorist @$$kicking, and Act III, culmination of Act I and II, the Armor Wars. Well done, Favreau, well done. Kudos also go to Stan "The Man" Lee, comics god and cameo actor extraordinaire.

I give Iron Man 94 out of 99 shellheads on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

Oh, and wait through the credits to see an awesome scene.

Welcome to May!

And now, here's a message from Despair Inc. for all you lolcat lovers out there.



This last Tuesday we went to Asahi (nee Kobe's,) a Japanese hibachi grill, to celebrate another birthday. Happy birthday, Paul! As usual, the cook was very entertaining. This one was actually better than others we've had. He had a few jokes, but it was funnier watching his reactions to the hibachi grill n00b we had with us. She was Paul's date and had apparently never eaten at a place like that before. After the first gout of flame from the cook's oil-covered grill, she scooted her chair back about three feet. She was sitting right in the middle where we forced her to sit after finding out she had never been before, of course. I don't think she trusted our cook with that much flame. The show went on with plenty of laughs until the cook was ready to make the main course. Naturally, he had to oil up the grill again. By this time, Paul's date had inched her way forward so she was only about a foot from the table again. FWOOSH! She was a good sport about it, but the look in her eye told the cook that if he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't light anything else on fire. Naturally, he did it anyway. This time it was just the onion volcano, so no one came to bodily harm, but the risk was there.

Perhaps, no, definitely more entertaining was Stacy's attempt at catching shrimp. The cook had set aside some shrimp to chop into tiny bits and toss into the diners' mouths near the end. Most everyone caught theirs after the first, second, or third try. Stacy, not so much. The cook actually ran out of shrimp bits to toss at Stacy as they rebounded off her chin, nose, forehead, pink hair, and even her teeth when she was laughing too hard to open her mouth. There was a collection of shrimp arrayed around her chair that would feed an Ethiopian family. Finally, after "recycling" the last of the bits that landed on the table, the cook made the shot and Stacy caught it. She nearly received a standing ovation.

It's comforting to know that even when we get out without the kids, we don't need them to fling food all over and make the cleaning staff earn their money.

Birthdays, Golf, Hair Dying, the Usual

It's been a busy week for me. Besides the fact that Stacy apparently hijacked my blog (don't save your login if Stacy is around.) I had quite a bit to do. This Thursday, we helped Kathleen celebrate her mumble mumble birthday at Clydes in Ashburn. I hope your mumble mumblenth year is a great one, Kathleen! Thursday was also the birthday of the son of a good family friend. Happy 2nd, Traven! His birthday was a bit low-key compared to Kathleen's. Although he probably had more fun sticking his hands into the cake than Kathleen did. Then again, she may have done that after we left. She was on her second cocktail by then. Maybe I shoulda hung out.

I took Friday off after being invited to a round of golf with some friends of mine from church. Although I remember going to the courses with my dad a couple of times, I've never swung anything bigger than a putt-putt putter in my life. I warned my partners of my extreme lack of experience and general lack of shape. Well, not so much lack of shape as lack of definition. It seems as time goes on, I grow a bit more blurry around the outside. I plan to eventually blur into a big, round, Scott-colored blob. Hah hah!

But I digress. After renting some clubs and a cart, my partner and I joined the other two in our party and we hit a few balls around. I was told that I don't swing like a girl. I swing like a nerd. I chose to take that as a compliment. After three or four holes, I felt I was actually getting the hang of it. A few good, solid contacts with the ball does wonders for your confidence. I found that my skills for expert green-reading do not extend past Mario Golf. As one of my partners said, I could scare the crap out of any hole without actually getting it in. I think I sunk four or five by the end of the 18 holes. I'd post a score, but with the amount of pickups I did, it really wouldn't be an accurate reflection of my performance.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There was talk of making us a semi-regular foursome, which is very appealing. I'd love to go again. There is a church-sponsored golf swing event at a local driving range this coming Thursday that I'll be attending. Maybe I can work on keeping my club head down instead of topping the ball and pretending the fairway is a big pool table. Now if I can just convince Stacy that I want a set of clubs for Father's Day.

Stacy and I got to go out Saturday night. Out was in, this time. Our church has been running adult dinner groups to help people to get to know fellow church members that they normally would only see a couple hours a week. We had a great time, especially discussing the unorthodox method of ridding yourself of caterpillars using half-empty cans of beer. No comment on how the cans of beer reach the half-empty state.

Stacy's newest hair dye had arrived earlier that day, hot pink this time. On a whim, we stopped by the drug store to pick up a bleaching kit on the way home. After driving the babysitter home and tucking the girls in bed, I set about playing at being a beautician. Stacy was very patient as I painted bleaching solution all over her head. After an hour and half, Stacy was thoroughly blonde. It was an odd thing to see. I have never seen her mid-dye like that before. I don't think blonde is a good color for her. You can be the judge further down in the post. After a quick rinse in the sink and a shampoo upstairs, Stacy was ready for the actual dye. Now that was fun. It's been a while since I've been able to indulge my artistic side. While saturating someone's head in hot pink dye isn't exactly painting, it felt something like it as I brushed the vibrant paste through her hair.

And let me tell you. Hot pink barely does the color any justice.

While it's not quite as impressive as in person, you can see the color in the slideshow. Stacy revealed today that her hair color is supposed to react to black light. I'm going to be digging mine out of the Halloween decorations tomorrow. If it's this trippy in normal light, I can hardly wait to see how surreal it is in the dark.

No "The Office" review this week. I got to the episode late and it's a bit untimely to review it now. It was a good one, though. I was glad to see that the little prick Ryan isn't having quite as great of a life as it had seemed before. I'll try to get in a good review next week.

Also, Ironman opens this Friday, so there's that too.

Now, the slideshow:

Mawwaaahha

I have taken over Scott's Blog. He left himself signed in. Now his evil crazy wife can write all the things about him you never knew.

He is afraid of the dark. (not really)
He hates the color purple. (not really)
He wishes he had a boy. (So not true he just wishes for more guns)
Hmm now I ran out of weird things to write about him. I love you dear

Tammy Would Like to Play

I just got an email from my sister about her new car. Congratulations, Tammy! It looks like a lot of fun. For those of you who don't know her, this car fits her personality to a T.

To a "T"? What does that even mean? How do you fit anything to a T, much less a personality? Where do these things come from? Why would I say that? Who do I think I am? Wait, who am I? Where am I? What's going on?

I'm scared.

Oh yeah, some pictures:

Goodbye, Dave, and Godspeed

Just thought I'd drop a quick note and take a moment to say good-bye to a beloved comic book blogger, Dave Campbell. Dave has ruled the roost at Dave's Long Box since March of 2005. That's a long time to have been a blogger, much less a comic blogger. I've been reading Dave's blog for almost as long as I've known about blogs. I wish him good fortune in his future efforts, blogging and otherwise. My hat off to you, Sir Dave.

See, even James Remar is sad to see Dave go.

Chair Model: A Return to Funny

Last night's episode of The Office was like coming home. We return to the comfortable environs of the Scranton branch and all of the lovable and somewhat hapless employees of Michael Scott. Wait, did I say employees? I meant match-makers. Bereft at the loss of his love life, Michael forces his people to set him up with eligible lady-friends or be fired. Hilarity ensues. No, really, it ensues like crazy.

Imagine, if you will, Pam setting up Michael with her sweet, unsuspecting landlady. Dwight pledging as God as his witness, to not only find a chair model that Michael is smitten with, but bring her back and force her to bear his seed. HIS SEED. Kevin giving the name of his hot and juicy redhead, Wendy (try your best figuring out who that really is.)

We also get a nice romantic bomb dropped on us from one of the subplots. Jam fans should be thrilled with that one.

Here are some great lines from this episode.

Creed (after talking about getting a second chair): Only one to go.

Michael (in sympathy to Kevin's fiance dumping him): You don't deserve her.

Michael (trying to drum up a date from Oscar): Hello Oscar Meyer weiner-lover.

Michael: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin?

Stanley (on Michael's "love cards"): There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.

Michael: I'm a man of intensity. Of...of...cool. And youth. And...and...passionately.

Andy: Did I do this for me? No. I did this for the little guy. The Joe sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his $400 a month apartment and wonders how he's going to pay his mortgage that month, wonders how he's going to fill his car up with oil, wonders how am I gonna pay my kids orphanage bills? That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.

Obligatory Self-Congratulatory Dept

As I was walking out the door yesterday, my boss stopped me in the hall and called me back to my cube. There, he presented me with a Mysterious Box. What's in the box? A little touch of ego.

Spider-Man World Tour Concludes, For Now!

To finish off his whirlwind tour, Spider-Man takes us through an introspective look at what is undoubtedly his greatest appearance ever, the short-lived "The Amazing Spider-Man" from 1978. Here we see Spider-Man back in his native New York, settling down after his world tour to fight crime the old-fashioned way, with bulky metallic web spinners and shiny bulging eyes!


Bonus additional scenes from the Japanese leg of Spidey's tour!

The Office: Dinner Party (A Date with Disappointment?)

Sooooo, we finally got a new episode of The Office Thursday annnnnnnnd, it was kinda disappointing. I expected a lot more from the wizards behind The Office after such a long hiatus.

Quickie summary: Jan and Michael have a few people over for a dinner party. Jan and Michael have a creepy relationship. Jan and Michael make everyone feel really uncomfortable, including the audience. Everyone leaves and their relationships are revealed to be really crappy too, except for Jam who have the only purely amusing scene in the episode.

I think achieving uncomfortable humor successfully is a fine art. One at which The Office generally excels. The show usually hits more often and harder with the funny than a Ben Stiller movie. Perhaps in this one the creepy uncomfortableness was too far out or not far out enough. I just couldn't avoid feeling like one of the people at the dinner party, which would not have been fun at all.

Am I wrong? Was it a great episode? What do you think?

The Most Important Bill of All, A clean bill of health.

For those of you that didn't know, Stacy went into surgery today. It was voluntary and planned, so no worries there. She has had a history of bad sinus infections for as long as I've known her. Her ear/nose/throat doctor told her that they are in part caused by the small sinus opening in her left nostril. Today, she had it widened.

Stacy came through just fine. The doctor said that there were no problems and she was ready to walk, or wheel rather, out in about 45 minutes. She's resting as I write this, but in good health and spirits.

Spider-Man World Tour: Dasvidanya!

In a surprise move, Spider-man decided to appear as Peter Parker for the Russian leg of his world tour. Watch closely, an unmasked Eddie Brock makes an appearance towards the end.

Your Monthly Moment of Inspiration

Ever had one of those lifetimes?

Good News!

I'm really excited. I was going to post this later when things are finalized, but I don't think I can wait. I just got off the phone with Stacy so she knows first (I'd hate to have her learn from someone else that's read my blog.)

I got a huge promotion! It involves a bit of travel, but I think it's worth it. Besides, what's a couple of trips to Iceland when this much money is involved? Did I mention the money? Scads of it! We're going to have the biggest house in Saskatchewan! Oh yeah, we have to move to Saskatchewan. The commute will be pretty much the same anywhere we live out there, since I'll have the corporate helicopter to pick me up. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the semi-quarterly meetings in Southern Mexico. I think somewhere in Mérida, Yucatán. I hear they've got really cheap medication for sale down there, so I can hook some people up while I'm at it.

We're so excited! We'll be flying to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Friday for a house-hunting expedition (sled dogs and everything, it's going to be great!) Anyone want to watch Blue for us while we're gone?

Leave your congratulations in the comments!

Spider-Man World Tour: Hindi Style!

My apologies, my posts are going to be even more sporadic than usual in the coming weeks. How is that possible, you ask? Nobody likes a wise arse, is my answer.

I've started online college courses again. I'm hoping to be done with my bachelor's degree sometime this fall. We'll see.

In the meantime, we rejoin Spider-Man on his whirlwind international tour. Today's stop: India!

Spider-Man World Tour Layover in NYC

Spider-Man takes a brief rest from his World Tour to quench his thirst. Er, their thirst. He - er - they must really lika the juice.



And what's a bunch of Spider-Men without a Superman, princess, Dracula, dog, and two monkeys thrown into the mix?

It Comes As No Surprise to Anyone

Here's what you already knew.

TV Reviews

Yup, I don't like to toot my own horn, so I'll let some random site with no credibility do it for me!

Happy St. Patrick's Day (and other unrelated asides)

So yeah, happy drink-a-bunch-of-green-beer and puke magic on the sidewalk! Actually, I'm pretty sure almost everyone that reads this thing doesn't drink. We celebrated Shamrock Day and the first day of Spring by also celebrating a good friend's baptism at Sweetwater Tavern. That's right, Drunken Ribeye. If I'm not going to get drunk, why not get my dinner drunk? After a quick second trip to the grill, my steak was perfect. I still have yet to eat a more flavorful steak than theirs.

Congrats, Paul!

Completely Unrelated and Actually Longer than the Main Entry Dept.
Stacy and I have spent the last couple of days catching up on some of our recorded television shows, specifically, Pushing Daisies.

Let me give you a little background. Pushing Daisies was created by Brian Fuller, the same man that created Dead Like Me for Showtime. We loved that show. It was about a girl with no life to speak of that finds, upon flaming death by rocketing space toilet debris, that she is now a grim reaper. She meets other reapers, who treat this supernatural job like a, well, job. The high-concept is as quirky as it sounds, made even more quirky by the cast and situations throughout the series. It was a joy to watch and left us wanting more every week.

Unfortunately, Showtime only aired two seasons before giving Dead Like Me the scythe.

Mr. Fuller next graced us with an even shorter-lived series on Fox, this one called Wonderfalls. It featured a hapless girl in a dead-end job at a gift shop atop Niagra Falls avoiding the successes the rest of her family had made. A brief 'sode in the first episode revealed that she could talk to inanimate objects, or rather, inanimate objects could talk to her. They would do so at increasingly entertaining times, often pestering her until she did some seemingly random or counter-productive act that would always wind up for the betterment of her life or the lives of those around her.

Again, high concept was brought masterfully to fruition by Brian Fuller's talent and skill as the charmingly quirky show progressed. given that it was a great show with a fantasy theme aired on Fox could only mean one thing, of course. Cancellation. This time after a mere three episodes. We managed to see nine episodes aired (according to www.tv.com, I remember fewer) before the show was fully taken off the air. Mercifully, the DVD that came out early the next year contained all of the filmed episodes, 13 or 14 in all.

Now, ABC brings us Pushing Daisies. A high concept series if there ever was one. This time, our protagonist is a pie maker (played by Wonderfall's protagonist's on-screen brother) with the unique ability to bring any dead thing to life by merely touching it. However, if he touches it again, it will die again, this time forever. The other and more worrisome caveat is that if a thing is kept alive longer than a minute, then something (or someone) must die in its place. Nature loves balance, I suppose. The first part of his ability has led us to the best charming quirk of this quirk-filled show, his inability to share any intimate contact with his childhood and current sweetheart, whom he had to bring back to life in the first episode. This leads to many adorable, sometimes almost sickeningly, scenes as the two of them find new ways to express their affection. I say almost sickeningly because I'm a big softy and Fuller often manages to offset the schmaltz with appropriate reactions from the hardened knitting detective (the pie-maker's partner) and the love-lorn waitress (pining for the pie-maker *choke*!)

Now with the concept out of the way, how is the show itself? Just as good as I'd expect it to be, delivered with panache, style, and a vibrant dream-like color palette by Mr. Fuller. I found myself throughout the episodes exclaiming, "she's so darned cute!" of the pie-maker's sweetheart, or, "I love watching Emerson!" as the knitting detective tried to abrasively escape the conversations that cropped up around him, or, "I love Olive!" even though she's vying for an obviously smitten pie-maker's heart, or, "Swoozie Kurtz is hilarious!" as childhood sweetheart's grieving aunts, Vivian and Lilly, reminisced about synchronized mermaid swimming, or, "The narrator is perfect!"

That last one is perhaps the most personally jarring for me, since the show is narrated by Jim Dale, the voice behind the audio recordings of most of the Harry Potter books. It's personally jarring because I could not stand the way he narrated many of the characters in the books. I have no such problems here. He's got the cultured British accent and story-telling cadence that showcase the eccentricity, charm, and magic that is Pushing Daisies.

Pushing Daisies is a bittersweet joy to watch. A joy, for the obvious care that is given to craft an engaging fantasy that has yet to disappoint in its nine episodes thus far. Bittersweet, for the knowledge that it is just a snappy reality show pitch away from the chopping block. Pushing Daisies was granted a reprieve after the writer's strike this year. It is getting another chance to dazzle audiences come this Fall. I will certainly be one of those prepared to be dazzled.

If you're interested in keeping truly original programming on the air, especially when the alternative is another reality show, you may want to check out Pushing Daisies for yourself. There are five full episodes on ABC's site. I highly recommend them.

Oh, and if you have a Nielsen's box on your TV, please, please, please don't let this show get canceled. I haven't had nearly enough yet!

Full Episode (with considerably fewer commercials than when first aired!)

Spider-Man: World Tour

Next stop for our globe-hopping wall crawler? Japan!

New Family Portraits!

We finally got around to dragging the kids into the portrait studio this weekend for family portraits. It's been a while since our last set and we wanted to immortalize Stacy's grape hair. We have long learned that Scarlett is in her best mood in the morning, so we made a 10:00 at Kiddie Kandids.

Amazingly enough, our devious plan worked! All three of the girls were on their best behavior. I'm sure that the promise of ice cream if they took good pictures had nothing to do with it. The biggest problem was just getting all three of them to look at the camera and smile at the same time.

It turns out the right combination of a funky-colored duster and rubber ducky squeaks is the key. The unforeseen side affect of said funky-colored duster was Scarlett moving from sitting next to Stacy, to laying on her back, and finally standing in my arms behind Stacy to avoid the dastardly duster's tickling capabilities. Not two to quibble, Stacy and I were happy with the results.

We figured the next task would be much harder to accomplish: all three girls on their stomachs with their chins in their hands. I know what you're thinking, whose chins were in whose hands? We opted to go for the easy shot and had them hold their own. Lazy, I know. In this one, we just couldn't get Scarlett to look at the camera and smile in the same shot. Her long-suffering sisters (did I just say those two terms together?) were giving their best plastered smiles and I feared the entire facade would shatter before we could get a decent shot. Luckily, the photographer caught Scarlett in mid-babble in what approaches a smile in the way a gator approaches breakfast.

For the last three shots, we gave the girls their choices of backdrops and props for individual pictures. Vicki, being Vicki, chose the floweriest one, with flower petals on the ground and flowers in her lap. Yup, she's the tomboy. She even managed to edge in a little bit of a real smile amid the cheese this time.

Zoe, on the other hand, refused to smile when the photographer was anywhere near her camera. Don't get me wrong, she was all smiles the rest of the time, even giggling every now and then (I know many of you that have met Zoe probably think I'm lying, but it's true!) As soon as the photographer would step back from the shot, Zoe's face would approximate happiness in much the same way Kraft Velveeta Cheesefood Product approximates cheese. It's still a cute picture.

Scarlett, possibly the prickliest of the bunch, was uncharacteristically easy. She wanted the same white background with easter bunnies and easter eggs in a basket as props. The biggest problem there was getting her to settle on one or two eggs in her lap and leaving the rest in the basket and the bunnies on the floor. She was very helpful, trying to pick up the bunnies and give them to me, it just didn't make for a cute pose. We finally managed to convince her to leave the rest of the props where they were and sit still. Then came the challenge of getting her to lower the eggs from her chest where they were serving as a makeshift shield from the dreaded tickling duster. Our wily photographer snapped some quick shots in mid-raise and we hastily declared that was it.

All in all, Stacy and I feel that we made out ahead of the kids in that interaction for once. We treated them to frozen custard and us to good old Utah fry sauce at Neilsen's in Vienna.

I'll pop up a slideshow soon. For now, if you want to look at or buy some of the pictures for yourself (we're sending some to family members, so you guys might want to wait a bit first,) you can go here.

Update: Hah! That was quick! Here's yer slideshow thingie:

The Latvian's Strike! (Hail Doom!)

You may or may not know this about me, but I am a fan of 80's pop music. Not all of it. Some of it grates on my nerves as much as the next Jon, but there are quite a few hits that I dig.

Very few do I dig more than Europe's "Final Countdown." The pumping rock beat, the guitar riffs reaching climactic crescendos, the ear-drum-kicking solos, all of it. Well, almost all of it. The vocals are a little reedy and dated.

I also love symphony. Symphony with a beat is even better. The surprisingly aesthetically pleasing string quartet, Bond, is constantly in my playlist, as are other orchestral-based ear-rockers such as E.S. Posthumus and various movie scores.

What would happen if you put the two together, though?

Enter Latvia (Hail Doom!) the closest thing we'll ever get to Dr. Doom's homeland of Latveria. Rather, enter the Latvian Symphony Orchestra (Hail Doom!) and their own trio. This collection of mop-haired musicians manage to strum and bow their way through the most stirring rendition of "Final Countdown" I've ever heard. Don't believe me? Take a listen for yourself.



If you can watch that, complete with every stirring solo and riff lovingly reproduced in glorious symphonic sound and tell me it wasn't awesome, then you're either deaf, or have no soul, or both. I'm not going to rule that out.

Now if only I can find a symphonic recording of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"

Thanks to bwe.tv for the drop!

I just Can't Wait for French Batman

This video is every bit of awesome that its name implies.
ITALIAN SPIDER-MAN!

They gave us Mario, it's only fair that we give them something in return.

March, Still Working on that Customer (dis)Service

March continues the theme started in February of sticking it to the customer.

The Smell of Poop, OR, Good Morning, Daddy!

Stacy had a women's conference this morning. She left early this morning to pick up a friend of ours, Karen, and meet some others before the conference. That means I was on daddy duty this morning. No big deal, the kids usually watch cartoons and munch on breakfast until I feel human and alive enough to drag myself out of bed. Yup, Father of the Year award, here I come!

So, this morning proceeds just like any other. I snooze, interrupted every fifteen minutes or two every time the girls see something noteworthy on TV. "Dad, can we get that movie?" or, "Daddy, can I have that toy?" or, "Dad, we have that!" or my favorite, "Daddy, look! Spongebob/Timmy/Hannah/Mickey/miscellaneous animated character did something!"

Even better? "Daddy, Scarlett got poop on the pillow!"

There's not many statements that will clear the fuzz from my mind faster than that one. I cleared the blurriness from my eyes to see Scarlett slouched between the foot board and the mattress with that, "I don't know what the big deal is" expression. Right next to her was the offending pillow. Believe you me, offending was the least of it. At least Scarlett was courteous enough to pull the pillowcase off first, because you know, it's much easier to clean a pillow than a pillowcase! I'll spare you the grisly details and just give you with this:

yup, a lot like this, only more brown.

I got Scarlett cleaned up in a jiffy. I'm still a little confused, though. She didn't leak out and she didn't have anything on her hands. I'm really not sure how she managed to
get it from her diaper to the pillow. That's right, my daughter is a poop magician. If only I could harness her power for good!

As I brought her back into the room to put her on the bed, I felt something wet at my feet.
Dreading what I'd find, I dragged my eyes down to the floor to see a puddle of apple juice that Blue was happily lapping up off the carpet. Both Zoe and Scarlett's juice boxes were lying on the floor, as crushed as wine grapes under the feet of burly Italian wine makers, only with less staining.

I finished cleaning that up and was just about to drop back into bed when I noticed a big wet spot on another one of my pillows. Sometimes I wonder how many times I'll be able to roll my eyes to the back of my head before they just give up and stay that way.

I performed the obligatory sniff test to figure out what the mystery fluid was. This one is going to go down through the ages as a mystery, though. It wasn't apple juice, it wasn't pee, it wasn't as scentless as water, but it also wasn't unpleasant. I don't know. I shrugged, dropped another pillow on top (no, not the poop pillow) and dropped Scarlett on top of that. I figured if any more random fluids leak out of her, it'd be on on a pillow that was already desecrated.

So yeah, that was my morning.

Here, for those of you completely uninterested in the travails of raising toddlers, but completely interested in badass robot fights, I give you something completely unrelated!



Sorry for the autoplay, It's built into the player.

Jumper: A Study in Physics

OK, this isn't really a study in imaginary physics, but my long-awaited return to the realm of online movie reviews. Why do I do it? Because all the other critics out there suck, that's why! Now lissen' up, I'mabouta lay some good quality reviewin' on yer eyes!

Jumper treats us to a fantasy that many of us have dwelt on at one time or another: teleportation. If you haven't dwelt upon it, then try dwelling now. Go ahead. I'll wait. I'm really patient that way. Think about it, the ability to go anywhere at any time. Hey, if you're in a knock-down, drag out fight with an old school rival, why not teleport him/her into a bank vault after hours? Not good enough, you say? You're in a fight to the death with a psychopathic zealot? A quick jaunt to the busy streets of London ought to do just the thing. See that double-decker bus heading your way? Why not take that along for the jump and see how your attacker deals with it? And yes, all of that is just as awesome as it sounds.

OK, OK, that's enough of the violent stuff. How about starting off your day with a sunrise in the Bahamas, breakfast in Paris, hot chocolate/coffee atop Mt. Everest, lunch in Budapest, dinner in Rome, and sunset in Iceland? Yeah, I know, the time frames are all screwed up, but you get the picture. Teleportation is a cool idea, one which had some great moments in X-Men United, but not nearly enough.

Which brings us back to Jumper. I was a bit wary of a movie featuring Hayden "I-killed-them-all-and-I-can't-stop-whining-about-it" Christensen of Episodes II and III fame. Thankfully, he did much better here as David. While his delivery could use more spirit, he was watchable. What do I need to say about Rachel Bilson, Millie besides hubba hubba hubba? (sorry mom) Unfortunately, she was not given the opportunity to show much strength as a victim caught in the crossfire of a secret war. Speaking of the war, leading the other side from the jumpers, the paladins, is our good friend Samuel Mutha F***in' Jackson as Roland (what kind of pansy name is Roland? Ask Samuel Mutha F***in' Jackson and you probably won't think that anymore.) When is it not a pleasure to watch him work? Even when he's on the other side, he's fun to watch. Jamie Bell, who was new to me (but not to fans of Peter Jackson's King Kong,) played a good foil to Christensen as fellow jumper, Griffin. Diane Lane rounds out the notable cast as David's mother, about which I will spill no beans.

Doug Liman, the director of a few of my other favorites including, Swingers, Bourne Identity, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, takes us on a wild ride through David's discovery of his power, his later discovery by the paladins, his mix-up with the hapless Millie, his recruitment of Griffin and final showdown with Roland. All while globe-hopping more than James Bond in his last three movies combined. It is an exciting ride with some good breaks to keep the pace just right. The plot made sense, the dialog was good, the acting was fair, the cinematography was excellent.

What was missing was a little more exposition. Why are the paladins so set on eliminating jumpers? Is it a divine mission or did someone wake up centuries ago and say, "I feel like committing genocide today!" While Roland gives us a little bit of the divine zealot, "Only God should be able to be in all places at once!" We don't get much by way of history beyond tantalizing glimpses of clippings and drawings in Griffin's lair (yes, lair, that's what he called it.)

We also do not get much to make us sympathetic to David. Sure, his childhood wasn't great, but he more than made up for it with a lifestyle most people could only dream of, financed in super-villain style. We're even treated to a scene of him watching flood victims while the voice over intones, "It would take a miracle to get those people out of there." I'm pretty sure a dude teleporting onto a rooftop and zipping a couple of people out qualifies as a miracle.

I would like to have seen more of Bilson, (who wouldn't, eh? Eh? Nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Eh? Eh?) Her character served more as a damsel in distress than a strong-willed waitress from Detroit, but in the context of the damsel, she did just fine.

I couldn't help but feeling as we watched, especially towards the end, that this was meant to be the first in a series. Maybe even a movie-theater pilot for a television series later on. Perhaps that's why we were only favored with brief glimpses into what makes this world work. If so, then I'm afraid its rather dismal showing at the box office will keep us from getting any more.

Boy, now it sounds like I didn't like the movie at all! I did! Heck, any movie that refers to Marvel's Team Up not once, but multiple times, is going to get a fair shake from me. The problems I mentioned above are not deal breakers, especially not for an off-season sci-fi action movie. I had a great time suspending my disbelief and munching my popcorn as jumpers jumped, damsels distressed, and paladins-um-paladeded. I'll be picking this movie up for my home collection when it hits DVD.

I give Jumper six out of eight teleportation after-effect swirly thingies on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything. Now, for those of you that agree with me on the Bilson topic, here's a bonus.

Oddly Related Note Dept.
Firefox's built-in spell checker tells me teleport should be deportee. What would Bush do for a few jumpers to take care of the illegal alien situation?

Disappointment in a Nerdy Way

I feel a little bad for Jon. He's been eagerly anticipating the third installment of the new animated movies that DC Comics have been releasing, The Judas Contract, featuring the Teen Titans. I understand the sentiment. Not only were the Teen Titans one of Jon's favorite teams growing up, but that particular storyline was very good. DC announced the first three animated movies a couple of years ago. They were to be about the death of Superman, a Justice League movie based on an excellent graphic novel, and The Judas Contract.

They already released the Superman movie, Superman: Doomsday. I picked up my copy of the Justice League one, New Frontier, last night. Not having time to watch the whole thing, since we'd be watching Beowulf (also freshly minted on DVD,) I popped it in long enough to see the coming attractions. Imagine my surprise when I found that instead of The Judas Contract, the next DC animated feature would be Batman: Gotham Knights.

Disappointing, really. As cool as Batman is, he's had plenty of time to hog the animation lime light. He's even had at one animated movie play in the theaters, for Alfred's sake! So, finding out that the next animated movie would be a lead-in to the upcoming live action Batman film, while understandable, was a let down nonetheless.

I can only imagine how disappointed Jon is. That's not all, though. The sneak peak of Gotham Knights confirms what may be Jon's worst fear for the iconic super hero. He's going anime.

Yup, the DVD will feature six separate stories, all animated by different Japanese directors and art houses. That means not just one feature depicted in Jon's most loathed art style, but six!

I'm not averse to anime myself. I enjoy the medium. However, I can't say I'm looking forward to Bruce Wayne's foray into the dense, steamy jungles of Japanese animation. While Jon and I don't share a hatred for all things anime/manga, we do agree that its affect on mainstream American comics is lamentable. Manga, for those who don't know, consists of hyper-exaggerated expressions and movements as well as silly idiosyncrasies such as an abnormally huge drop of sweat on a character's brow when they're frustrated or kitten ears popping up on a character's head if they're being mischievous.

These affectations have their place, they just don't happen to be where Batman is trying to instill fear in the hearts of evil doers or when Superman is trying to stop a nuclear missile from exploding. I guess what I'm saying is that I believe in a segregation of styles. "You've got your manga in my comics!" "You've got your comics in my manga!" It just doesn't work as well as chocolate and peanut butter.

There was a trend recently when exactly that happened. It seemed to hit Marvel comics harder than DC, with manga artists drawing titles such as The Uncanny X-Men. It was Not Good. I think I understand why they did it. Just a glance at your local book store will reveal the densely populated manga section that probably dwarfs the graphic novel shelves. Kids like the manga. Marvel wanted to recapture that demographic. It didn't seem to work, since more traditional art has been gracing the pages of mainstream comics again. I sincerely doubt it will be the last time I see it there, though.

As for the anime stylings of DC, I'm not sure if I'll pick up Batman: Gotham Knights. It's possible that I'm wrong. Batman may lend himself perfectly to the anime genre. It's more probable that the whole thing will blow.

Why MMOs Suck, or Do They?

What's this? A Web Log? A place where I can write thoughts, rants, and commentary? Why, that's brilliant! Why didn't I think of doing this before? What's that? I did? I've been here before? This is my blog? No! Really? Well then, I suppose I should write about something!

This could possibly break my self-imposed fast on MMOs.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I played the grand daddy of MMORPGs, Everquest, for a few years. It wasn't the first, but it was certainly the biggest until World of Warcraft came along. I was out of that world long before then, though.

The appeal of MMORPGs is not hard to define. The idea of a persistent world in which players can develop an avatar, form relationships, and take part in the stories in that virtual space is more than enough to lure in many people. Each MMORPG has its own quirks and features that expound on those basic principles.

A few things soured me on the genre. The biggest one is the implicit requirement to play with others. It may come as a surprise to some people that don't know me, but I'm a loner by nature. Stacy keeps me in circulation so I don't lapse too far, thanks baby. Reaching a point in the game that required me to join a group of complete strangers just to play further only served to encourage me not to play.

"But Scott," I hear you say, "Didn't you have friends that you could play with?"

Yeah, those friends would invariably either play at different times or play to the point where our avatars were no longer able to group together. "Sorry, man. I'll hang out with you for a little while though! Wait, my guild is raiding a dragon's lair, gotta go! Have fun!"

Wheeeee!

"No," you say, "That's not what I was going to say. Why not take that as an opportunity to make new friends, blah, blah, blah?"

Maybe you didn't read the paragraph where I said I'm a loner by nature? I've got friends and family. I don't need any more, especially not the kind that are obsessed with an online game like Evercrackquest.

Knowing that there was content in the game I would never see without spending hours and hours doing repetitive actions was even more disappointing to my completist nature. The game got to the point where it was a chore to sign on and kill the same monster over and over until I was strong enough to repeat the process with the next monster. I play games to have fun. When the game is no longer fun, I put it down.

So I put down Everquest. I also decided that the whole MMO lifestyle was not for me. I have other demands on my time that preclude devoting the amount of time required to really explore such games. Give me something like Mario Galaxies where I can play a few levels and turn it off, confident in the fact that when I turn it back on, I'll be able to pick up where I left off and eventually complete the game.

Even better, give me a game like LEGO: Star Wars with replayability that keeps me coming back for more and more. I'm eagerly awaiting LEGO: Batman and LEGO: Indiana Jones. You can imagine why the following article has piqued my long-dormant curiosity in the MMO realm.

LEGO Universe

The idea that I can build anything I can think of in the game and then export it to real life LEGOs alone is enough to get me to try the game out. Even if the MMO part sucks rocks, I could totally get into that part. I just hope they don't withhold the good LEGO bricks for people that complete crazy multi-part quests that require teaming up with complete strangers and performing the same actions over and over again.

Cuz then LEGO Universe can go to ****.