Saturday, July 08, 2006

Pain in my Ass Pt. 3 and Food

Since I got a comment asking how my ass was doing, I thought I'd share with the whole class. I was doing fine up until today. I think the top stitch has become infected. I'm going in for my follow-up appointment on Monday, so we'll see what the doctor says. The short of it is, my ass is a pain in my ass. In an unrelated note, I have been cooking a lot lately. As I mentioned before, I found my inner chef a few weeks ago and have been enjoying work in the kitchen since then. One of the things I have noticed from watching Food Network, which I do often, is that the chefs, no matter how simple the meal, always devote some time to presentation. I realized that my family never did. We'd put hot pads down and put the pot or pans of food on it with a big spoon or fork for serving. Everyone would dig in a la buffet. Since working more in the kitchen, I have started to take some pride in my presentation. It is certainly amateurish, but I am happy with the way some of my dishes have turned out. I'm thinking of snapping some pics of them and posting my meal creations here. I'll see if I can make another pretty meal and remember to take a picture before I eat it. Tonight, Stacy and I made Grilled Raspberry Thyme Chicken on a bed of fresh spinach, cantaloupe, and raspberries with a homemade raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Side dishes included Rustic Cheddar Mashed Potatoes and Southwest Biscuits. It was very tasty.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Broadband Ho

I love Broadband Internet service. I have missed Broadband these last three days. None of this “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” My heart could not grow fonder than it already is of Broadband. I might as well marry it, I love it so damn much. Stacy and the good Commonwealth of Virginia might take offense to that, so I will carry on my illegitimate romance with Broadband on the sly. I thought Scott was going to have to choke a B@#$% in the last few days though. Broadband left without a word. Broadband didn’t even say how long Broadband would be gone. Broadband just left. I’m no fool. I know I’m not Broadband’s only liaison. I called Broadband’s pimp to find out where the heck Broadband went. Comcast was clueless as usual. I tell you what, if I was Comcast, I’d pay more attention to where my hoes at, nawamean? Anyway, Comcast sends out an in-home tech to investigate Broadband’s absence. He finds out that Broadband ditched my neighbors at the pedestal. The ho was out all over. So the in-home tech tells me that maintenance has to fix the problem. That’s when I saw the uprooted trees in the park area behind my house. Did Broadband get jacked in one of the rain storms? Was my illicit love brought down in the prime of life by a natural disaster? I may never know. Maintenance comes and goes without a word, they are beholden to no one. After another day of no Broadband, I call the pimp back again. They tell me that maintenance came out and put Broadband back out on the corner. Oh, so it’s gonna be like that is it? Broadband’ll whore out to my neighbors but won’t come back to the one that really loves Broadband? The pimp sends maintenance back out the next day. They don’t find a thing wrong. Broadband is still at the pedestal, giving it up for the neighbors. The pimp says it’ll send out another in-home tech to check out why Broadband wasn’t giving me the love. That’s not going to happen for another few days, though. My wife, who loves Broadband almost as much as I do (sometimes we use Broadband at the same time, yeah, we’re kinky like that) even threatened to switch to DSL Broadband, the “daytime” Broadband. The pimp don’t care, though. We go out to run errands, safe in the knowledge that we would be without Broadband for days. I even jacked in at Panera Bread to get my fix, but the Broadband there just isn’t the same. We come home and turn on the TV, just to see if the pimp has worked some mojo on the sly. There it was, picture as clear as day. I flipped open my laptop to see if Broadband had come back and there was Broadband, whispering sweet nothings straight into my eyes. Aw yeah, I knew you couldn’t stay away for long, Broadband. You had to get you a piece of this lovin’ didntchoo? Don’t you leave again, Broadband, else I’m gonna have ta give you five across the eyes, hear me?