Wednesday, October 21, 2009

At Odds with Life

During the course of any given day, it seems like I come at odds with a variety of inanimate objects. It's not just general clumsiness, though I'm sure I have plenty of that as well. It seems that inanimate objects go out of their way to frustrate, annoy, damage, or dismember me.

Today's example:
While driving back to work from picking up lunch at Chick-Fil-A, I had just disconnected my headset after talking with Stacy. In the process of grabbing my phone from its case, I managed to jar my drink with my elbow. This wasn't your everyday jar, though. No! I jarred with such ninja-like precision that only the maximum amount of mess could be the result. Through whatever confluence of events these inanimate objects seem to thrive under, the straw managed to place itself right under my elbow. No big deal with a paper cup. It would be just a little bit of pain in the elbow and a mild expletive and I'd be on my way. No, this was a Chick-Fil-A cup, made of styrofoam with a convenient break-away bottom and break away it did! My center console was covered in cookies and cream shake. I'm sure the gods of misfortune were cursing the fact that it wasn't a sticky soda.

"Ha ha! That's unfortunate, Scott!" I hear you say.

"Shut up, jerk!" I reply.

I set some napkins under it and mopped up the mess, all while driving mind you (don't worry, it's all in the reflexes, let it never be said that I'm not a safe and concientious driver. What? I'm not? What I was doing was the exact opposite of safe and concientious? Well, darn.) I quickly ate my fries so I could get something more solid under the mangled, jagged whole in the styrofoam and the gooey, dripping mess of shake. I then attempted to put the whole combination back in the bag so I could carry it easier. Naturally, the angle and dagger-sharp point of the bottom of the fries containter sheared right through the paper bag. I thought it was odd to see them grinding the edges of the fries containers on a whetstone in the drive-thru. This left me clutching the bag and cup awkwardly to keep the rest of the contents from spilling out on the way to my desk.

I'm a winner!