Friday, January 11, 2008

Updated: Awesome+Awesome=Face Punch

I don't think awesome+awesome equals awesome doubled. I think awesome+awesome creates some kind of weird exponential loop until awesome ceases to be a mere concept and becomes a palpable thing. Then that palpable thing punches you directly in the face. Prepare to be punched by awesome.

Stacy sent me this, which brings together two pieces of awesome, bacon and Jim Gaffigan. Gaffigan is the guy you probably recognize from the Sierra Mist commercials. To me, he's one of the funniest comedians out there. You know bacon from such features as breakfast, BLTs, bacon-wrapped steak, and other popular engagements.

Anyone else hungry for some bacon now? Just me? Ok.

UPDATE! Gaffigan has released an official clip of his bacon bit from his Comedy Central special. This one shouldn't get taken down any time soon.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Fairly Awesome Late Christmas Present

My coworker Jennifer gave the whole team calendars from Despair Inc. I have to say, it ranks up there among the more awesome gifts I've received. I'll try to remember to give you all your monthly shot of reality when the calendar page flips over.

From the Demotivator page at Despair Inc.
MOTIVATION. Psychology tells us that motivation- true, lasting motivation- can only come from within. Common sense tells us it can't be manufactured or productized. So how is it that a multi-billion dollar industry thrives through the sale of motivational commodities and services? Because, in our world of instant gratification, people desperately want to believe that there are simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound.

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder and COO

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

McDonalds, You've Done It Again!

Why is it that whenever I eat at McDonald's, no matter how good the food is (and it never is,) I always feel guilty and ashamed afterwards? It's like I've let someone down, someone who was counting on me not eating the pseudo-meat and preservative-rich slop-on-a-bun. Every time I eat there, I prove myself unworthy of that trust.

What's worse is the smell in the car afterward, like a miasma of shame lingering long after the foul deed is done. I've often come back to the car the next day with the odor hanging on, pointing a green smoky finger at me in accusation. It knows what I've done, oh yes, it knows. I'll not go into the aftertaste and the rank belches that inevitably follow such an indulgence. Can it even be called an indulgence?

And so, in my finest faux-Shakespearean accent:
E-vill, thou hast a name, and it is McDonald's. Get thee behind me, empty temptation! Return to the Stygian depths of the rainbow trousers that spawned thee! Take thine vile flavor and pallid complexion back to damnable arches from whence thou came and return no more to vex me! ::BUUURRRP!:: Ugh, that's nasty.