So Much Time, So Little Motivation

Warning: One long, dry data dump on this last month's goings-on follows. You may want to skip this one if you're not obsessed with my life.

That's it? Everyone's gone? I'm all alone now? Good, on to the post.

It's been a long time. So long. It's just been one of those months. Either I haven't had the chance to post, or when I have, I've lacked the motivation. No longer. Here I am to bring things current.

Let's see, what happened this month?

We went camping for Spring Break. Stacy and I took the kids along with some good friends of ours and their kids, down to Virginia Beach. The First Landing campground is a short walk to the beach. Camping in early spring, you say? Who would do such a thing, you ask? Wasn't it cold, you wonder? Yes, not my idea, and frak yes.

I don't regret going, especially since some of those that went had good reasons to get away from Manassas for a few days. That said, it was testicle-shrinking cold during the first night. The temperature would have been tolerable with some bundling. It was the wind that sent the chills straight to the bone. A park ranger let us know that we'd be getting 40 MPH gusts over night, so we better stake down the tent real good. We stowed the entire camp (food, table, chairs, etc.) back in the vans overnight so we'd still have some of it the next day. Sure enough, we lost a few stakes overnight, but no one blew away.

The next day wasn't too bad. The wind had died down and the temperature was up a few degrees. We took a nice long walk on the beach with the kids. They found all sorts of cool shells and rocks. I didn't know their was such a high concentration of pumice and lava rock on the east coast. I don't even know what volcano is near enough to deposit the amount that the kids found. It was cool, though. That night was much more tolerable.

The next day was the best of the three. The sun was shining, we had a light breeze, it was perfect camping weather, and we had to go home. Ah well, it was a good time. The kids had a blast. Once I gather pictures from various sources, I'll get them onto picasa and plop in a slideshow.

We saw Monsters Vs. Aliens at Vicki's school-sponsored event. It wasn't in 3D, but it was better than I thought it would be. Either that, or I am becoming even easier to amuse than before. I tend to think not since I unfortunately caught the last 30 minutes of Twilight with Stacy and our friend Susannah this month. Guh. That is just a painful experience. The acting is either over-the-top or completely wooden. No chemistry. The story has as little bite as the so-called vampires that populate it. The special effects were worthy of Dr. Who circa 1970. I just feel bad for the huge number of fans that have been caught up in the books and movie. There's so much more material out there along the same lines but orders of magnitude better in terms of delivery. Thankfully, the helpful fellows at Rifftrax.com have released commentary for the movie, which should make it almost-watchable. I believe Jon and I are going to do that this week.

My car's emission inspection is due this month. I only have one more day to do it. I'm worried poor Nikki won't pass inspection this time. She doesn't spew as much oily smoke out as she did before, but I don't know how the inspector will take the engine idling problem.

I took Vicki to work for National Take Your Child to Work Day last week. We both had a blast. I think my favorite part was teaching her how to write a simple perl script. She told me that she wants to grow up and work at AOL now. How cute is that? I didn't bring her last year because I figured sitting in my cube watching me work all day would be boring. It turns out they have all sorts of activities for the kids. Vicki got to stand up front with the HR VP that hosted the event and help him lead the kids in some rousing "AOL! AOL! AOL!" chants. She even got $20 at Toys 'R Us for her trouble. We went around to various stations after that. One of them was the AOL studio in the basement of HQ where Regina Lewis does her appearances for news shows and promos. Regina gave her a dusting of make up and invited the kids to be interviewed. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time for everyone to sit in front of the cameras, but Vicki got to see how everything was done there.

She also got to design her own video game for KOL. They had eight or nine computers set up in a row with MS Paint running for kids to draw their concepts. Poor Vicki didn't get to sit at one, even though she tried to camp out the chair. She was crushed. They had paper and crayons for the kids that didn't get a computer. I managed to convince her that drawing her idea would be much better than using the computer. After a little cajoling and cheering up, she dove in. Her picture turned out fantastic. She thought so too, after I pointed out how horrible the MS Paint pictures turned out. Getting a bunch of 6-12 year-olds to draw in Paint? It was pretty bad. Her game was "Snowflake Catcher", apparently an adaptation of a similar one online where you control a blue puppy that catches snowflakes with its tongue. It was a big hit with the guy running the booth. I wonder if KOL will have a snowflake catcher this winter?

At the end of the day, the hosts put on a movie for the kids and offered to let the parents head back to their desks for the duration to get some work done (yeah, right.) Vicki wanted me to stay with her, so we watched Racing Stripes. Well, we tried to watch it. The movie crashed about halfway through. It was very amusing watching the organizers trying to keep down the crowd of kids hopped up on sugary snacks with nothing to do. They kept asking them to "sit down," which was pretty funny considering the huge assembly room they had them hanging out in. I'm surprised as many of the kids were as well-behaved as they were. Vicki and I cut out after about 20 minutes of waiting for them to fix the movie. I smiled as we left the chaotic scene behind us.

It was a good day for both of us. I'm looking forward to bringing Vicki and Zoe next year.

We got the great news that Susannah is engaged after a year and a half of serious dating with her fiance. She's got her work cut out for her now. Congrats, Susannah!

Vicki and I also went to the Daddy/Daughter Masquerade Ball sponsored by the Girl Scouts. She made the masks for us one week at girl scouts. She took great pains to make sure my mask wasn't girly and had plenty of my favorite color on it. She was so cute and excited. The two daughters of our good friends, Paul and Paula, were there with their Pop-pop (grandpa). Vicki and I did a bunch of dancing. I stood by and watched her and the other girls dance for a couple of numbers while Pop-pop and I talked. We stopped by a 7/11 on the way home and got Slurpees to finish off the night.

We quietly celebrated Jon's, Casey's, and Casey's son's birthdays this month. Last weekend, Casey, Clay, Clay's son Jeremy, Stacy, and I attended a gun show in Dulles. It was a lot of fun. Casey got his birthday present from Jamie, a Springfield Xd. He was pumped. He and Jamie got to try it out at the range this weekend, sounded like fun. Stacy and I were going to pick up a shotgun while we were there, but the prices weren't right. We got a gun safe for our .22 pistol at home instead.

Now I have to decide between getting an affordable shotgun at Wal-Mart or a new sofa for the basement. Let's see, one is fun and ostensibly for protection, but won't get used that often. The other I'll sit on just about every day and allow us to get the Wii Fit out more often. I think I know what I'll be choosing. We've decided to go with THIS. It should be fun. Now I just have to save up for the shotgun.

I'm sure there's plenty more for me to talk about, but this has turned out pretty dry as it is. I'm just trying to get it all down without going into too much detail or humor. I'll make an effort to improve on the humor bit next post.

An Asian Hooters Christmas

There is a chance that my one reader has not seen the episode yet, but I've got to blog about the last installment of The Office before my memories of it fall into one of the oubliettes of my mind, forever lost. Needless to say, but I'm going to say it anyway, there are spoilers below. You've been warned.

Holy !$#%^ crap, that episode was hilarious.

Longtime fans of the show will agree that Creed doesn't get enough airtime, but we were treated with another glimpse into his creepy life in the beginning of this episode. Creed saunters in, sees the Toys For Tots box, peruses casually, and just as casually tucks a toy under his arm. Considering he has no kids, I don't want to know why he's taking the toy. When told that he's supposed to put toys in the box, he merely replies with, "And a Merry Christmas to you, too!" and continues sauntering to his desk. Creed rocks.

Meredith is another Office B-Lister. The red-headed alcoholic has more clips in the deleted scenes than any other B-Lister I've seen, and she's usually very funny. The editors kept a few of her scenes this time, and she didn't disappoint. When offered a margarita at Karen and Pam's (more on that most awesome of pairings later) much funner party, she politely refuses with, "No, they're too sweet," and proceeds to walk off with an entire bottle of vodka and a determined look in her eye.

Just like Michelle, I gave a little shout when I saw Oscar make his abortive return to the staff of Dunder-Mifflin. I hope this means we'll see him as a regular when the show comes off the Winter hiatus. Oscar's reactions to the crap that goes on at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton are priceless.

Continuing on in the B-List vein, let's look at Kevin. The poor man's quandary about whether to attend Angela's party or not could be boiled down to a hilarious pro and con. He sat there in the confessional weighing his love for double fudge brownies on one hand against his distaste for Angela on the other. You could really tell that he was hard-pressed, too. If you blinked, you probably missed his graceful exit from Angela's soiree as someone left the door open too long. Brownies in hand, he joined the festivities of the Karen/Pam party.

Speaking of Angela, was she in rare form that night! My jaw dropped almost as far as Karen's as she delivered a scathing dressing down and summarily dismissed the latter from the party-planning commission. A brilliant, but sadly deleted scene, even shows us Angela getting physical with poor, depressing Toby, and not in the good way. At least Her Vileness got a write up for it. The softer side of Angela actually came one step closer to making its appearance in the office when she and Dwight K. Schrute shared a surreptious handholding moment. Awwwww.

Toby and Stanley had a couple of good lines while I can't recall Ryan or Kelly doing anything really memorable. The A-Listers, however, had some truly great moments.

First, the inevitable love triangle, Karpim, er, Jaram, no, Pimen, um, Kkkkkk-Jam, screw it, Karen/Jim/Pam. I'll admit that I'm on Team Karen, doomed though I know it to be. Jim even confirmed that Karen is a rebound from his fruitless attempts to get with Pam in season 2. I understand Jim and Pam have a history and they share in little moments, but Karen is cuter, geeky in a good way, and makes no attempt to hide her interest in Jim. Pam, on the other hand, obviously doesn't know what she wants with her friendly chats with Roy and her frequent attempts to buddy around with Jim. You can't have it both ways, Pam. I'll just leave that relationship with the bittersweet montage of Karen/Jim moments playing in my mind.

Starting at the top of the list, the big kahuna, the best boss in the world, Mr. Scott-o! Speaking of inevitable love triangles, Michael's has now been broken on both sides. Not since Randy had a mariachi player follow him around with the Spanish version of Time After Time on My Name is Earl has a breakup been so entertaining. Granted, that was just a week ago, but still. In order to cheer him up, perrenial suckup Andy invites Michael to Benihana, which shall forever more be known as Asian Hooters. Of course, Michael needs his entourage, bros before hos, after all. So Michael, Andy, Dwight, and a reluctant Jim file out of the office for some male bonding. The funniest bit of the Asian Hooters scenes was Jim falling back into old habits as he explained to Dwight, who had to sit apart from the bros due to a hapless couple's unfortunate seating choice, that the conversation between Michael and the cute Asian waitress was about her difficulty killing and skinning a goose. Of course, ever the helpful know-it-all, Dwight launches into the proper procedure at full volume over the heads of his unfortunate table mates and to the horrified dismay of the waitress. We know that Dwight K. Schrute is an expert in this as he performed the service just that morning on the Christmas Miracle Goose he hit on the way into work.

Meanwhile, Pam felt guilty about not standing up for Karen in the party planning meeting. Since she has no outward reason to dislike Karen, she decides to try to be her friend. Before his trip to Asian Hooters, you can see that Jim is decidedly uncomfortable with the two girls giggling and plotting in the corner. Turns out that he has nothing to worry about yet, as their plotting involves creating the Committee for Party Planning in direct opposition to Angela's Iron Fist Party Planning Committee. Further, their party will start 15 minutes before Angela's and will include margaritas and karaoke! I have to admit that I was smirking right alongside the girls as they shoved their party announcement into Angela's mortified gob. I believe that the Karen/Pam team may be a force to be reckoned with.

To prove that they are gracious in victory, Karen and Pam invite Angela to combine parties once they have succeeded in luring over almost every one of Angela's partygoers. In one last show of her innate snarkiness, Angela reveals that she was the culprit in the Mystery of the Missing Karaoke Machine Power Cord. Even she got her swerve on in the karaoke singing with a stirring rendition of Little Drummer Boy with Dwight's vox drum accompaniment.

Poor Michael Scott experiences heartache once more as his Asian Hooters date decides to split with his bicycle and turns down his invitation to Jamaica's hottest all-inclusive resort. Here is where we get to see Jim wax on about rebounds and the power of that first, true love. Ah, Karen/Jim, we barely knew thee. Mark my words, this is the beginning of the end for them.

Oh, and who was that Michael Scott convinced to go with him to Jamaica on the phone at the end? It couldn't be Jan. She can't be that desperate, can she? I see comedy on the horizon!

Sunday, Bloody Sunday and the Hazzards of Jessica Simpson

Now that I have traded Thursday with Sunday for days off, I find myself with one fewer relaxation day. As most of readers of this blog know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the LDS church, or a “Mormon” depending on whom you ask. As such, my Sundays are as busy as a workday. Actually, considering how slow my weekend workday is now, Sundays are even busier.



Not hanging out here anytime soon
Let me lay out standard Sunday meetings for those of you not familiar with the way my quirky religion does things. The church is split into geographical areas depending on population. The individual areas are called wards. Multiple wards make up a stake, multiple stakes make up a district, and multiple districts make up an area. I’m a little fuzzy on the larger units, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s split (heh heh, I said unit.) Every ward meets for three hours each Sunday in a yearly revolving schedule depending on how many wards use the same building. Ours starts at 9:00 AM this year, ugh. The three-hour block is split into Sacrament Meeting, Sunday School, and Priesthood or Relief Society, depending on gender.


Gotta keep 'em seperated
Vicki goes to Primary School for the second and third hours, Zoe goes to nursery, and Scarlett goes to my arms. Stacy teaches Vicki’s primary class each week, so the Screaming One can’t burden her. Instead, it is my job to convince Scarlett that the thing she wants most in the world is to sleep. This kid doesn’t even want that in the middle of the night. Convincing her of that in the middle of the day takes everything short of a miracle. That “everything” involves me pacing the halls for the hour after Sacrament Meeting. By the time the third hour has rolled around, Scarlett is usually asleep and my back is killing me. I’ll usually sneak into Stacy’s class to help her with the five-year-old hellions while trying to keep Scarlett asleep on my shoulder.


Don't let the yawn fool you. This kid'll be up for hours yet
By the time we limp home, we’re pretty beat. It’d be great to slink off for some Sunday afternoon naptime, but the fun isnt’ over yet. For one thing, the kids would never tolerate such laziness, at least not for both Stacy and I. Instead, one of us has to amuse the locals while the other one grabs some illicit rest. For the other thing, I have been busy home teaching every week for the past three weeks.




Still not going here.
Another quirky thing my religion does is home and visiting teaching. Every growed up man in the church is partnered with another, or his son if he’s old enough (yeah, not going to happen in this family!) and they are given a few families to visit. The home teachers see their families monthly (or semi-annually for most home teachers,) share a spiritual message, and make sure the family doesn’t need anything. This way, we take care of our own.




We're here to take real good care of youse. Reeeeaaaal good.
It also means that I have been out and about with my home teaching partner, a man I barely know, every week. I am a shy person. I try to overcome that problem by making conversation, but I am really no good at it. If I don’t have something in common with a person, the chances are we’re going to end up talking about the weather or Virginia traffic at length, at nauseating length. Guess what my home teaching companion and I have been discussing every week as we drive from family to family? Traffic, nothing but traffic. He reminisces about how well traffic flows in his small central California home town and I just nod, agree, and interject about Virginia traffic madness once in a while. It’s fascinating, scintillating conversation, let me tell you. It’s almost as interesting as this post. Why are you still reading, anyway? I probably would have given up reading after the first or second paragraph myself. **YAWN** Ah well, it’s your ocular cancer.


Bout as entertaining as talking to this guy would be
To make an already unnecessarily long story a little shorter, Sundays have been no day off. I enjoy spending the time at church with my family, but as weekend days go, I think I miss Thursday just a little bit.

On a completely unrelated and decidedly more secular note, Stacy and I watched The Dukes of Hazzard last night. I know it’s been out for a while, but we just got around to renting it. I don’t know why it didn’t do too well in the theaters. Sure, it’s no masterpiece, but it’s definitely entertaining. They captured the spirit of the old TV show rather well. It had its shortcomings, of course. Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott as Luke Duke and Bo Duke respectively came off a little more American Pie than Appalachian American, but they still did a respectable job. Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse spouted more one-liners than down-country wisdom, which had me scratching my head a little. (Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?") Burt Reynolds added a little more menace than comedy in his menacingly comedic role of Boss Hogg. Enos, Rosco, and Cooter were along for the ride, but I wouldn’t give them credit for much more. Lynda Carter was looking a fine 55 as Pauline. Wonder Woman has aged well! Not one of them holds the barest flicker of candle light to the stars of the show, though, Jessica Simpson’s twins. Catherine Bach had to be crying as she watched her Daisy Dukes stride across the screen above Simpson’s stunning gams. Holy smokes! This movie is worth the rental just for Simpson’s scenes. I’ll warn you, though. She’s not that great of an actress. Don’t expect to be amazed by her skills as a thespian. As a matter of fact, you’d appreciate the scenes just as much with the mute on as off. Her video in the bonus materials section is worth the cost of the rental alone. Go relive the spirit of NASCAR’s beginnings and treat yourself to the guilty pleasure of The Dukes of Hazzard and you’ll see what I mean.


Speechless

Something that Pains and Something that Rocks My Ass

Originally posted June 3, 2006

Its been too long since Ive written here and Ive got a lot of things to say. So pull up a chair and relax.

Item 1: Life is a Pain in My Ass

I have suffered from pilonidal abscesses since 1998 or 1999. If you want detail on the condition, check out the link over here. Heres the nitty gritty, some people have a cavity just under their tailbone that can become infected and very painful. Sitting is uncomfortable and can move to excruciating in a matter of minutes. I have had a recent flare-up as the result of extended bouts of improper posture throughout my Red Hat training days and work weekends. As a person that spends an inordinate amount of time on his ass, this condition fills me with various emotions, all of them negative and most I would not describe in polite company (which is what were in now, right? The Internet is all about manners, right? No? Well, lets pretend just this once.) After a couple of weeks of pain, I could no longer pretend that I just bruised my tailbone. I sought medical attention. My doctor examined the area (Ill spare you the gruesome details of that examination) and decided it was not suitable for lancing (and definitely will spare you of details about that procedure.) The good news is that since this is my fourth flare-up, my doctor refers me to surgery to have the cavity permanently removed. Before you ask, I dont know what goes in the place of the cavity, if you remove something, doesnt it leave a cavity? In the meantime, on to antibiotics I go. A week and a half later and I am still in pain. My pre-op appointment comes in about another week and a half. Ill see what they have to say about my tender tailbone then. A couple of days ago Stacy clued me in on what I have to look forward to for the surgery. They will give me a spinal block. Awhuh? I say in consternation. Thats right, a spinal block. That means a needle. A needle in my back. A big needle in my back while Im awake. ::shudder:: Whether they give me anesthesia or not, I may be passing out. I dont do well with needles and the idea of having one squirming around in my spine fills me with a sense of dread akin to waking up at 3:00 AM and thinking about Emily Rose. DAMN THAT MOVIE!

Item 2: X-Men 3: Last Stand Rocked My Ass

I am a comic book nerd and I liked X-Men 3. Do I need a support group? The creators of the movie took such massive amounts of artistic license with the characters I grew up with that I should have hated it. Perhaps their various and sundry licenses combined in a pleasing chunky stew of awesomeness and potatoes, I dont know. Dont get me wrong, there were parts that upset me, but they were eclipsed by the parts that made me want to curl up into a ball, wrap myself up in the warm embrace of the cellulose, and snuggle my back issues of X-Men as I fell asleep. Does that make me weird? Jon wrote a good review here that echoes many of my sentiments. I warn you now that if you havent seen the movie and are planning to remedy that woeful state, you may encounter spoilers below.

First, the bad:

Jons sentiment about the Dark Phoenix aspect is spot on. Varicose veins and funky eyes do not a Dark Phoenix make. Scarlet spandex with golden phoenix emblem and golden sash? Now youre talkin!

Glen Angus Painting

Was Angel lame or what? Okay, hes always been lame, except for that stint with the Blue Man Group and his knives-for-feathers make-over. Imagine the spectator on the street. Oh wow! That guy can shoot beams of pure force from his eyes! That guy has claws and can heal super fast! That chick can fly, pick up cars, and drain lifeforce! That chick can fly, call down lightning, and control the weather! That guy can...fly. Oh, hes got a bazooka, I guess thats cool. Hey! That guy can turn into ice, make ice slides, and freeze anything! You get the idea. However, in all my days of reading the comic, I never questioned Angels ability to fly. Hes got a huge set of wings, of course he can fly! Seeing him up on the screen for the first time made me wonder. How does he steer? Hes got no tail feathers! What does he do, wiggle his legs? For the No-Prize one of my brothers (sorry, conversation was fast and loose, I forget which) said that it must be that his mutation was that he could fly, the wings are just for show. Regardless, Angels onscreen appearance was not as awe-inspiring as his namesake should be. Maybe I never had a problem in the comics because all we ever got were still shots of him flying. Meh.

Juggernaut was a mutant. In the comics, Juggernaut (Marko Cane, Xaviers half brother) obtained invincibility and super strength from absorbing the Ruby Gem of Cytorrak. His powers being of a mystic origin, Leech would not have had much of an affect on him. However, this irritation is overrun as if by a juggernaut by a) Juggernauts now classic line, Im the Juggernaut, bitch!

and 2) aforementioned Leechs affect on Juggernaut as he comically bashes his head into the wall with the requisite CLANG sound effect.

Wolverine talked down Dark Phoenix. Alright, it made for a powerful cinematic moment, but that was a complete departure from the original story. Rather than sacrificing herself in front of the man she loves (Cyclops, not Wolvie,) in a moment of clarity and supreme tragedy. Our favorite adamantine-infected hirsute talks her out of her homicidal rage with a passionate speech about his love for her, ending in the now cheapened sacrifice for the greater good. I know that presenting the Dark Phoenix Saga as it was written would have been entirely too much for a Hollywood movie, but including more elements of the original rather than giving Wolverine yet another stretch in the limelight would have won my support.

It looks like a lot, but the above problems did not detract so much from my enjoyment of the movie. What rocked? Im glad you (didnt) ask.

Old comic book favorites transferred flawlessly to the silver screen. First, we get a post-apocalyptic scene with the X-Men fighting an out-of-sight sentinel. My first thought was of the Days of Future Past Storyline wherein the beleaguered X-Men had been reduced to just a few members by the sentinels and were forced to hide from the murderous sentinels. And what was the crowning moment of the sentinel battle? The good old Fastball Special! For the uninitiated (shame on you!) that is when Colossus in all his organic metal glory swings and tosses Gimli, oops, I mean Wolverine discus style. We get treated to this spectacle not once, but twice in the course of the movie. How awesome is that?

Not as awesome as Kelsey Grammar knocking the role of Beast out of the park! When I first heard he would play Beast I thought, That wont work, it will just be Frasier with blue skin and fur. I was so deliciously wrong. Our introduction to the warrior-thinker of the X-Men was his classic hanging-from-the-ceiling-while-reading-intellectual-type-stuff. Beast proceeds to show us his upper-crust diplomatic side as a cabinet member of the President of the United States. Frasier, oops, I mean Grammar shines as the intellectual, but what about the acrobatic furball of rage that is the Beast in action? Through the space-age wonder of science, the special effects guys deliver as if rolling Silly Putty across the pages of the classic comic books and magically transferring the action onto the film. Beast begins battle with a blood-curdling roar before crushing, leaping, spinning, and generally maiming everybody with which he comes in contact. It was marvelous!

Speaking of marvelous, how about seeing Bobby Drake transform into Iceman for the first time in three movies? Out of the furnace of hell that was punk-ass Pyros conflagration shoots the crystal-clear, ice-cold fists of Iceman. First, he freezes Pyros jets, and then the rest of him emerges from the steam. He stayed icy long enough to deliver a scathing one-liner, which eludes me at the moment, to Pyro, before reverting to flesh and blood, but it was long enough.

Magneto lifts the friggin Golden Gate Bridge (I think) to walk five feet onto Alcatraz Island. How badass is he? Ill tell you how badass. A black car, a black SUV, a black truck towing Mystique, two more black SUVs. What would you do if you were the Master of Magnetism? If you said, Crumple the first car like spent Kleenex, then do the same to the second and toss both aside before flipping the other two SUVs off the road like Hot Wheels and then pitching the truck end over end over my frickin head while I stop the trailer two feet away from smearing me into well-dressed jelly, then youd be spot on. If you also would do the above with the aloof air of someone idly cremating a hopelessly inferior chess player in the world championships, then give yourself two hundred fifty points out of ten for style and start monogramming all of your stuff with a big fat M. The badassery (I smell a new word!) does not end there. Oh no. Magneto, rid of his mutation by the Leech-derived cure still has enough power to move a metal chess piece. Have we heard the last of Eric Lensher? No, hes to badass.

Finally, all of the neat plot threads tied up. Magneto already explains how all of the cured mutants will get their powers back, wanted or not (Im talking to you, Rogue. Now get off your swamprat behind and drain Marvel Girl of her powers already!) In my mind, the various deaths caused by Dark Phoenix are already taken care of. Do we know what happened to the people and things that were apparently disintegrated? Cheesier things have happened in the comics to bring back dead people. Characters don't die in comic books. They go to that great waiting room in the sky until their dramatic resurrection. When Phoenix rises again, and she always does, she can simply tap into wherever she sent them and reconstitute Cyclops (in all his whiny glory,) Prof. X., and all the no-names she wiped during the climax. No biggie. Would Patrick Stewart come back for a sequel or claim that resurrection cheapens his death? He will if he knows whats good for him. Dont think I wont sent Juggie after you, Stewart. Hes unstoppable, you know.

I had a couple of more items, but its really late and I just wrote way more about X-Men 3 than I thought I would. If this were the school paper I have due this week, I would be waaaaay over my requirements. Im going to spare those of you that made it this far in the entry (you gluttons) and say goodnight.

Goodnight.