Thursday, March 15, 2012

And So, Taco Bell Makes the First Salvo in What Will Be the End of the Fast Food Wars

I think Taco Bell has finally unveiled its next-generation weapon in its bid to win the Fast Food Wars. We all know, thanks to Demolition Man, that all restaurants are Taco Bell. What we didn't know was how a place offering third-rate tex-mex food could possibly beat out the considerable allure of the golden arches.

Wonder no more. Behold, the Dorito Taco!

Having recently purchased this genius invention, I can attest that it is just as good as you may imagine it is. I think the competitors can consider themselves put on notice.

Sooooo goooooood

Also, Stacy has never seen Demolition Man, an oversight I feel obligated to resolve. She doesn't even know about the three seashells!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Hm, where to start? Let’s see, I think we’ll go back a few months. Stacy and I have known for a long time that we have another daughter that’s missing from our family. Don’t ask me how we know it, we just do. Yes, I can see that look in your eyes and the answer is, we are crazy indeed. There, glad we’ve established that. Let’s move on.

Back in late January, Stacy and I thought that since neither of us was getting any younger we should try to have that last daughter. A few days later, we realized the error of our ways. Stacy still had an internship to complete for school as well as a couple more classes. The timing just wasn’t right. So we stopped trying and started preventing pregnancy again.

I tell you that story so you can have a good laugh at the next one.

Let’s fast forward to mid-February. We find Stacy gleefully holding onto a secret and desperately trying to get me to be bothered by the fact. Stacy hates that I don’t care about secrets. Here’s a little secret of my own. I don’t care because I know how bad Stacy is at holding onto secrets. Shh, don’t tell Stacy. This one, in a roundabout way, had to do with an order she placed with Thinkgeek. She broke down before the package could even arrive, which is pretty funny because Thinkgeek is local and their shipping rarely takes more than a couple of days. Instead of waiting, she sent me a link to the item she ordered, this one:

Yup, that’s a maternity shirt. I was a bit surprised. I knew Stacy could get pregnant if I looked at her funny, but I didn’t think we’d make it in that small one-week window. Hah! We didn’t. It turns out that Stacy was pregnant a couple of weeks before we even started trying. That’s right, Stacy’s body laughs at the pill and condoms combined. One of these days, someone will explain to me what it is that causes pregnancy.

I’m excited. I know adding another child to our family will be a challenge. We still have to get Stacy through an internship so she can get her Master’s degree. I’m confident that we’ll be able to make things work. There’s certain to be some tough times ahead, but we can handle it.

Little did we know exactly what was in store for us.

Stacy’s first OB/GYN appointment was at the end of February. We’d held off telling anyone about her fragile condition* until we knew the pregnancy would hold and the baby was healthy. Dr. Nance, Stacy’s OB/GYN since Zoe was born, couldn’t believe we were going to have another. But, since Stacy is his favorite patient, he seemed to be on board.

Nance ran through all the preliminary stuff once Stacy made herself comfortable on the table**. Then he broke out the ultrasound machine. As he moved it to focus on the right spot, a very strange thing showed up. It registered, but I was too incredulous to believe it. That is, until Dr. Nance said, “Uh, there are two babies in there.” My jaw dropped.

What was Stacy’s first reaction? She hauled off and smacked me in the chest and exclaimed, “I hate you!” She was smiling, though, so I don’t think she was serious. Well, not 100% serious at least. I hope.

I passed the rest of the appointment in mild shock, grinning like an idiot. Two? That’s what Stacy and I continue to say to one another. Any time it’s quiet and our minds wander inevitably back to the twins growing in her womb, one of us will turn to the other and say that simple word and then shake our heads in mock disbelief. Two.

So here we are now. Stacy and I were planning on having five kids, but we overshot the mark. Heaven help us if at least one of them isn’t that little girl we’re waiting for.

* Now there’s a contradiction, fragile Stacy.

** There’s another contradiction, comfortable OB/GYN table. At least, so I’ve heard.