Ah, I Love the Smell of Napalm (Hair Dye) in the Morning!

This Thursday Stacy and I finally sat down to truly mark the season, we dyed her hair napalm orange. I'm running out of battery, so I'll post the pics quick.

Check out how much pink is left after a full hour of bleaching. Yeah, we didn't even touch that color.

It made some interesting effects with the roots and tips being blonde, though.

And here it is, napalm orange hair.

We plan on really finishing the job this coming week. I'll be dying vertical stripes of her hair black. Pumpkinhead, anyone?

Code Monkeys Get All the Fun

A friend of mine is a Code Monkey at ThinkGeek. This is what she gets to do in her spare time.


Awesome.

In case you want to be a zombie killer too:
Dismember-Me

The Harper Collins Audiobook Widget

Behold its mighty slickness, the new The Graveyard Book widget! Thanks, Jon!

Welcome to October, er, Three Days Ago

Blurry caption reads: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Semi-Related Side Note Dept.
As you can see by the widget to the right, this month brings us The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. It's a charming all-ages story about a child that grows up in a graveyard a la Mowgli in Kipling's The Jungle Book. If you've read any of Neil Gaiman's stuff and liked it, you shouldn't hesitate to buy it. If you've never read Gaiman's stuff, then start with this one. It's a light and entertaining read.

Tangental Side Note Dept.
It's already been shared elsewhere, but Stacy, Jon, the girls, and I had a great time at the National Book Fair in DC last Saturday. We got to buy The Graveyard Book a few days early, hear Gaiman read an excerpt and answer some questions, and meet him personally to have our books signed. The last time he came to town, Stacy was pregnant with Scarlett and had long purple hair. This time, she's pregnant with our son and has short pink hair. When we got to the front of the line, I mentioned the fact that my wife was pregnant last time he was at the festival and signed our books. His reply was along the lines of, "Good lord, and she's still pregnant!?" He signed my book by drawing a little gravestone with the inscription, "Scott, she's still pregnant?" Neil Gaiman rocks.

Inexplicably Bruised/Broken Rib - or Gall Stones! Yay!

My right bottom rib has been giving me some pain in the last few weeks. I finally went to the doctor today to figure out what's going wrong. He said that if I bruised it, it could take weeks and weeks to heal. Just in case I fractured it, he ordered x-rays, which were surprisingly fast and convenient to take. He says if it doesn't get better over time or gets worse after big meals or eating fatty foods, I could have gall stones. Yay! So here I am, with an inexplicably pained rib area that could be nothing to worry about, a broken bone, or a sharp, pointy stone that wants to pass through my innards.

My bet is on bruised rib. We have been camping a lot lately and I think the constant tossing and turning on the hard ground may have caused me some damage. I'm all for the air mattress that we picked up this week. We're going again on Saturday, so I guess I'll know then.

Wish me luck!

Unrelated Side Note Dept.
Iron Man came out on DVD today. If you remember, I was just a little fond of the movie. If you haven't seen it yet, now is your chance to get it on the small screen.

If Lovin' Spore Is Wrong, I Don' Wanna Be Right

I've been playing a lot of Spore during the late hours of the night. Who needs sleep? Anyway, to see some of my creations, page down to the new widget I installed at the bottom of the page.

Pot Pie Win

Since it turned out so good today, I thought I would post a follow-up to yesterday's fail pic.


Thank you.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #7

Thing You Shouldn't Do #7:
Drive 65 MPH in pouring rain with bald tires.

Why? Because as thrilling as it is, hydroplaning can be hazardous to your health.

I'm not kidding, hundreds die while engaging in this xtreme sport. Thankfully, ever since the formation of the AXHEAD (Assocation of Xtreme Hydroplaners, Equestrians, and Dieters, they're an eclectic bunch,) the sport has become less dangerous. With safety measures such as Nerf guardrails, soft horseshoes, and calorie-free water, AXHEADs have cut annual hydroplaning-equestrian-diet-related fatalities by 5%! So remember, if you're insist on hydroplaning, get an AXHEAD license first!

Pot Pie Fail

I've been visiting the Failblog quite a bit recently. It's good stuff. In the spirit of failure, I'd like to present to you, my lunch.


Thank you.

Birthday Wishes, OR, Oh Crap!

Ah, the joys of a child's birthday party. Well, I enjoyed it, not sure about Stacy. Judging from the photo I took of her at a friend's party at "Pump It Up," she's just about had enough joy for the evening. To be fair, she seemed to have a blast as well. Most of the other parents were entertained by watching the pregnant lady with pink hair goe up and down the slide over and over again with Scarlett. It was definitely good times. Happy Birthday, Kylee!

Yar, Me Mateys!

As many of you know, Friday was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I truly enjoy this day of the year, probably a lot more than is healthy. The next day, we were invited to a pirate party for a friend of our daughters. Since his parents, Karen and Paul, are good friends of mine and he asked so nicely, Stacy and I dug out our pirate costumes from Halloween a couple of years ago and came dressed for the occasion. We decided to go all out this year and embellished my beard a bit. This is the final result.


We even gave the girls some pirate braids in their hair. Great fun was had by all. I think I enjoyed the treasure hunt and pin the flag on the pirate map the most. The cake was a crazy affair. They managed to get a full pirate ship, about 24" X 12" that reached probably about 10" at its poop deck (I said poop deck.) Delicious cake, but the real entertainment was watching poor Karen try to cut and serve it. The poop deck (I said it again,) pieces toppled as soon as they were cut, so some of the cake may have had an extra fingerprint or two. I don't think anyone minded.

Anyway, it was a very piratey weekend. I hope everyone had a chance to celebrate in their own way.

Unrelated Side Note Dept.
I finally received a response from my facilitator on the plagiarism accusation. She says, considering my contribution to the class, that she's inclined to believe that I'm not plagiarizing, but needs proof. So now I'm inserting date/time stamps in random places in my code in an attempt to prove innocence. We'll see how it pans out.

Birthday Thanks and Post-Birthday Infuriation

First off, I want to thank everyone for their birthday wishes and gifts. I had a great birthday. It started off nice and easy with a late morning courtesy of Stacy, thank you! We headed to the mall to enjoy a tasty lunch at the Cheesecake Factory with some friends, one of whom shares my birthday, happy birthday, Suzanna! That evening we dined at Not Your Average Joes with some more friends. It was a fantastic day.

The haul was excellent as well. I got a nice new wireless laser mouse for my laptop and cash from Stacy and the girls; a sweet Emma Frost figure from Jon; a bunch of Iron Man comics and an Iron Fist graphic novel, all signed by the writer, Matt Fraction, plus an iTunes gift card from Casey and Jamie; movies from my dad; cash from many other thoughtful gifters; and a lot of well-wishing. Thanks everyone!

Now, for one of the reasons I've been too distracted to blog. I'm in .NET II, a programming course, for school. It's kicking my @$$. Not the programming, I don't mind that at all. It's the facilitator. I have had abrasive facilitators before. I can handle that. They take a bit more work, but it's tolerable. I have never, however, been accused of plagiarism before. This is my second-to-last course to finish my degree. I have had nothing but As and A minuses throughout my courses. To be accused of cheating off other people's work at this point is not only insulting, but ridiculous. Why would I jeopardize my degree at this point, especially with work that I can do in my sleep? It's infuriating. I was furious as soon as I read the comments on my first assignment.

I wrote her an email, perhaps too hastily, but very respectfully. I am still waiting for the response. Just writing about it infuriates me more. I think I'm going to draw this to a close.

At Least It's Better than Battlefield Earth

I recently wrote a review of The Land of the Lost, er, I mean, Journey to the Center of the Earth after going out to see it with my oldest daughter, Vicki, on a daddy-daughter date. What I failed to mention is that I went on another daddy-daughter date with my middle daughter, Zoe, the next day. She decided she'd rather see Star Wars: The Clone Wars than go mini-golfing. I will admit I groaned inwardly at the thought. I had read a few reviews about Lucas's latest offering and really had no desire to shell out for the big screen to see it.

Keep in mind that this movie should not be confused with "Star Wars: Clone Wars," the phenomenal Cartoon Network micro-series produced by Genndy Tartakovsky, creator of the equally awesome "Samurai Jack" and "Dexter's Laboratory." Which is out on DVD, you really should go pick it up. Especially if you plan on seeing THE Clone Wars any time soon. You'll need something to cleanse your palate.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Here's your plot summed up: Anakin (Matt Lanter) and Obi-Wan (James Arnold Taylor) are tasked by Yoda (Tom Kane) and Mace (Samuel M-Fing Jackson) to find Jabba the Hutt's (Kevin Michael Richardson) huttnapped son. To add a little needed female flare, Anakin is saddled with a new padawan learner, Ahsoka (Ashley Eckstein) who apparently is really young, whatever. On their mission they face such dastardly villains as Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) and his sith apprentice Ventress (Nika Futterman), though never as spectacularly or thrillingly as in "Clone Wars" (put it in your to do list.)

I don't have a problem with this. Even though it explores the same retreaded story of the reluctant teacher who learns a lesson while the learner learns learning from the learnee, blah, blah, blah. The same old jokes are trotted out to amuse the kiddies. It helps to keep in mind that this show is geared to them. The battle scenes, while not as good as those in "Clone Wars" (seriously, you need to check it out,) are entertaining enough, with plenty of clone (Dee Bradley Baker) on droid carnage.

The movie is watchable up until the subplot/plot twist, wherein Padme (Catherine Taber) and C-3P0 (Anthony Daniels) encounter Jabba's uncle, Zero the Hutt (Corey Burton) back on Coruscant. Zero, in case you haven't read about the furor surrounding the character, is so obviously gay in every stereotypical way Lucas could jam into your eye and ear holes during his scenes. He is painted bright purple with day-glo pink tattoos, a couple of pretty feathers on his head, and a grating southern belle-wannabe gay accent. Oh yes, Zero speaks English just fine, unfortunately. The voice itself is a horrible caricature that makes me wince just thinking about. He gives other gay stereotypes a bad name. It's horrible, just horrible.

Had they left Zero's completely unnecessary presence out of the movie altogether, I would probably rate this movie higher. As it is, I give it four out of twenty-one baby huttlets that are better left unmentioned on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything. Oh, I can't wait for this to become a regular series on Cartoon Network, yipee!

And Then There Were Two

We just found out the gender of the baby today. Ima have me a son! Stacy and I are a bit shell-shocked from the news. We both expected it to be another girl. We should have known better, though. Stacy's grandmother, who has never been wrong yet, predicted a boy. Plus, our house is completely geared towards girls, so naturally, the funniest thing the Universe could do would be to give us a boy.

I'm excited, though. I never expected to have a son to pass my line down to. It's going to be great. Now the estrogen will be balanced just a little bit by some testosterone.

Land of the Lost - er - I Mean - Journey to the Center of the Earth - IN 3D!

I took Vicki out on a daddy-daughter date last night. Since the Summer Blockbuster season is waning, we decided to go see a movie that's been in the theaters for a few weeks, Journey to the Center of the Earth IN 3D!

It was brought to us by Eric Brevig, director of - um - an episode or two of Xena (seriously.) He's pretty heavy on the special effects and second unit directing on some past blockbusters, though. I suppose that made him a good choice for directing a 3D action film. The movie is pretty effects-heavy, with lava, floating rocks, glow-in-the-dark hummingbirds, and plenty of the in-your-face pop-outs that 3D productions are required to have by federal mandate.

Journey stars Brendan Fraser (number 1 on my wife's drool list, just thought I'd throw that out there,) as the milquetoast professor, Trevor Anderson, that follows in his dead brother's footsteps to - well - you know - journey to the center of the Earth. Josh Hutcherson plays his nephew, Sean Anderson. He's the usual Hollywood teenage cliche, the troubled youth that just needs a positive influence in his life along with some near-death experiences to become a good man, you know the type. Newcomer Anita Briem plays the female lead, Hannah Asgeirsson, a mountain guide that gets roped (at times, literally,) into helping them - er - you know - journey to the center of the Earth. I'll be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing her in more roles. She's easy on the eyes and ears and plays the Strong Female Character What Can Take Care Of Herself But Still Can Be Soft For The Menfolk really well.

After a bit of set up and characterization, the intrepid journeyers end up - um - you know - at the center of the Earth. Okay, so more than a healthy amount of disbelief is required to enjoy this movie. Less than what you'd need for Babylon A.D., though. Scientifically, we know that it's not possible to have a thriving ecosystem in the crushing pressure of the depths under the Earth's mantle. There's no way dinosaurs, carnivorous flying fish, glowing hummingbirds, man-sized venus fly traps, enormous calcified mushrooms, and everything else in the movie could exist miles below the surface of the Earth, but it's sure fun watching what it would be like if they did.

The movie was rather enjoyable besides a couple of problems I had with some of the conceits, such as how a mild mannered professor becomes able to fight hand-to-hand a 'la Rick O'Connell. Or why Trevor and Hannah eventually hook up, other than the fact that they're the male and female leads of the movie and are thus legally required to make kissy-face somewhere in the movie.

I just hope they can manage to bring this one to video with the 3D intact, unlike Beowulf (you bastids.) Since "3D" is in the title of the movie, I would imagine that it'd be a pretty easy decision. But I imagine a lot of weird things, like that little guy on my shoulder with the funny tail. No, I will not insult their mama and laugh maniacally as I hit the post button! Go away!

I give Journey to the Center of the Earth IN 3D! twenty-three out of thirty floating magnetic rocks on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything. I have to admit, I kept hearing Peter Griffin's Land of the Lost recitation floating through my head through the whole movie.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #6

Today we have a cinematic installment of Things You Shouldn't Do.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #6:
Watch Babylon A.D.

Why? Because there are much more useful things to do with 90 minutes of your life, like watch paint dry.

That's the short of it. For those of you that want some background on the finer points of why you shouldn't watch Babylon A.D., read on.

Vin, Vin, Vin. Why do you keep doing it? Furthermore, why do I keep watching you do it? Maybe it's because you are a self-admitted geek, so I give you chance after chance, but you continue to disappoint.

Babylon A.D., directed by Mathieu Kassovitz, the visionary director that brought us such blockbusters as Café au lait and Gothika - OK, I can't do it. This guy was the frakking mugger on The Fifth Element for crying out loud. He managed to cobble together a bunch of disjointed, badly shot, horribly scripted, poorly acted, lamely choreographed scenes from actors such as Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Gerard Depardieu, and Lambert Wilson, all of whom should disavow themselves of this hackfest as vehemently as possible.

While "Guide escorts helpless client to safety" movies can be done well, this one was not. Way too much focus was given on showing what a badass Diesel is, only to ruin the characterization with one giddy bonding scene with the female protagonists. Tell you what, I'm not even going to give you further details on why this movie sucks as bad as it does. I have three words for you,

Canadian Killer Drones

Just let that sink in for a bit. No amount of suspension of disbelief could allow me to enjoy this movie, and I have a lot of it. Having said all of this, I now know that Jon will be looking forward to this on cable. He's as much a glutton for punishment as I am.

I give Babylon A.D. zero out of two hundred fifty-five badass mercenary guides with hearts of gold on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything. Except that you shouldn't watch this movie. Yeah, don't.

Loud September Greetings

With Focus, Dedication and Steroids, Men Can Achieve Impossible Dreams.
Like Breaking a World Record. Or Growing Their Own Breasts

My how isn't this year flying by? As can be seen by the crappy cell phone camera picture above, it is time for another month of demotivation! Yay September! Month that starts off Fall, my favorite season, my birth month, and school. That's a triple threat I can support!

Stay tuned for my abysmal review of an ill-advised movie!

I love question marks today!

They're great!

I can't stop shouting!

For the love of all that's holy, someone take away this keyboard!

Thing You Shouldn't Do #5

This installment of Things You Shouldn't Do is brought to you by the letter D as in Doofus.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #5:
Go camping in the summer with no sunblock.

Why? Because the top of your head shouldn't look like a Red Delicious apple.

My Head

Thing You Shouldn't Do #4

For this installment of Things You Shouldn't Do, we have a guest subject, Stacy.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #4:
Leave the front door open when you go out to move cars to different parking spots.

Why? Because it earns you the Mother of the Year Award

Things You Shouldn't Do #1, #2, and #3

Hello! Welcome to Things You Shouldn't Do, a completely irregular new feature here on My Inanity. I will do things you shouldn't do and share them here with you in the faint hope that others will learn from my bonehead moves and avoid similar fates.

Thing You Shouldn't Do #1:
Pierce your thumb with a staple then peel an orange

Why? Because it hurts, dammit!

Thing You Shouldn't Do #2:
Clip your iPod Nano Video to your belt and go to a Redskins game even though you know the seats are so narrow that your big ass will brush the sides every time you sit down.

Why? Because you won't have an iPod anymore!

Thing You Shouldn't Do #3:
Temporarily store a full bucket of paint 2 1/2 feet off the carpeted floor just behind your home office chair.

Why? Because this:


I hope this has been educational. Remember, kids, don't do what I do!