Go, Speed, Go!

Bad Scott! Bad Scott! I went to Speed Racer not once, but twice last weekend. I had fully intended on posting a review Sunday, but I got sick for the first half of the week and then busy with work and school for the second half. Yeah, I know, excuses are like a**holes, they crash parties and make people uncomfortable, or something like that.

"You saw it twice?" I hear you say in my mind, "There's no way a live-action remake of an old Japanese cartoon could be that good."

"Hah!" I say, "Shows what you know! How'd you get in here anyway? My head's only got room for one, thankyewverymuch. There's the door."

I went to opening night with a couple of friends and enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Knowing full well that Stacy was not interested in the movie, I decided to take the girls to it the next day while she was out doing scrapbook stuff. They loved it. Well, mostly. Scarlett fell asleep halfway through. That should be more of a testament to how tired she was since she refused to nap and not to how ho-hum the movie is.

Because ho-hum it ain't. This isn't the Wachowski bros first rodeo, and it shows. The writing/directing team of brothers Andy and Larry showed considerable polish in their treatment of the venerable Speed Racer.

Before I get into the movie proper, I should give you my background on Speed Racer. Scratch that, before I get into my background, I should give you some background on Speed Racer. Speed was one of the early anime (nee Japanamation) imports to hit American television. The original series is circa 1967, if that tells you anything.

The animation is sub-par, especially by today's standards. Shortcuts abound, such as static scenes with minor animation, speed line backgrounds, reused footage, etc. The dubbing is laughable. You can tell the voice actors are trying their best to fit all the words into the small amount of time the characters are actually moving their mouths while other moments are given over wholly to reaction grunts. Oooh! Ahhh! Uhhhh? That kind of thing.

What Speed Racer had going for it was excitement. The excitement of a race car called Mach 5 (kick@$$ name!) that could jump, cut through trees, go underwater, whatever they wanted it to do. The excitement of a death race as Speed went head to head with ruthless criminals and spies, both on the track and off. The intrigue of Racer X, who you knew was Speed's presumed-dead brother, but was still a mystery to Speed and family. Plus, there's a chimp. All things that appealed to young Scott.

So I had a bit of nostalgia for Speed Racer. Not an immense amount, the bad animation and dubbing still stand out in my mind.

Speed Racer The Movie blew me away. I could tell by the previews that it was going to be psychedelic, as it should be. The old series had that drug-induced fever dream quality to it, so it was appropriate. They delivered much more than that, though. The Wachowski's get credit for ignoring physics whenever they became inconvenient to giving us a bit of eye candy. I respect that if you're trying to tell a story about a car that can jump and flip 20-30 feet in the air, repeatedly bash other cars with no signs of damage, contain a plethora of secret gadgets (Spritle, would you say I have a plethora of gadgets? Si, si, Speed, a plethora! Spritle, do you know what a plethora is? Hah! I crack myself up.) and still race around a track that would give any NASCAR driver nightmares for weeks, then you don't need to be tied down by such mundane details as gravity, cause and effect, material strength, and all that crap.

The cast has some winners in it. Speed is played by Emile Hirsch, who has a kind of recognizable quality. That's not because I've seen him in anything, he just reminds me of other actors. He did a passable job. Sadly enough, the role of Speed is the most forgiving of any of them. Speed is the Hero, any young man with the right look that can deliver that Hero persona would probably have worked in the role. Hirsch does well in his emotional personal conflicts, which is certainly more maturity than we ever got from the original series.

Christina Ricci seemed to me an odd choice for Speed's girl, Trixie. Don't get me wrong, she did a great job, she just seemed an odd fit. Trixie was always a bit of a dim damsel in distress in the original series. Ricci's Trixie was a bit more competent and helpful, which is just fine.

Matthew "Lost" Fox was fun to watch as Racer X. He's definitely got the brooding mysterious hero look down pat. He showed quite a bit of range, more than I expected from the character. I don't know whether to attribute that to the bros Wachowski or Fox, but kudos anyway. His counterpart, Scott "Friday Night Lights" Porter as pre-Racer-X Rex is good, but he has little screen time.

Now for the brilliant casting. John Goodman as Pops? Genius! Goodman has the build, demeanor, and facial expressions that make him perfect for the role. Perhaps the greatest moment, strike that, the greatest moment with Pops was watching him wipe the floor with a ninja using his old wrestling moves. A ninja. I couldn't stop laughing.

Trixie: Was that a ninja?
Pops: More like a nonja. Terrible what passes for a ninja these days.

Great line or greatest line ever?

Susan Sarandon as Mom. At first glance, she seems to be a bit of an over-qualified actress for the role. However, Sarandon brings a spirit and heart to the maternal character that solidifies the sub-text of family unity that would be sorely lacking without her presence. That was a good bit of casting.

Paulie Litt as Spritle. Speed's younger brother would always tag along in the adventures by hiding in the trunk of the Mach 5 with his trusty companion, Chim Chim, in the old series. That hasn't changed at all. The extra scenes given to Spritle and the family chimp were well worth the effort. While obviously thrown in to keep the kiddies amused, there's no discounting the power of a chimp in entertaining folks of all ages. Litt channels his inner New-Yorker as the protective hero-worshipper to his older brother Speed, while retaining independence as a troublemaker and Saturday morning martial artist. The moment he and Chim Chim squared off over the sofa as their favorite cartoon Kung Fu characters, I was sold.

Roger Allam as the villainous Royalton was another master stroke. I don't know Allam from anything, not from lack of acting. I just don't watch in his circles, I guess. He comes across so smarmily at the beginning that it's impossible to not recognize him as a dastardly character with a shriveled, black heart. Allam sold it and I loved the character because I was supposed to hate him. Is that weird?

I'm going to cut the name dropping there. That's not the whole principle cast, but it's enough. The others did well enough. I just really enjoyed the performances of these guys a bit more.

We're already moving into epistle territory, so I'll touch on the story and other elements then wrap this up. Speed is a small-time racer with an eye on the Grand Prix, like any aspiring driver. Obviously talented, he is scoped out by the corrupt Royalton to join the "winning team". After finding out the truth, that the every high-level race is rigged by the corporate big-wigs behind the scenes, Speed (with a little convincing) decides to Do The Right Thing (tm) and fight the Powers That Be (also tm). One of the defining factors of Speeds life up to this moment was the loss of his older brother Rex to the cutthroat world of rally racing. Little does he know that his brother faked his death and now races from the shadows as the Harbinger of Boom, Racer X. With the help of this mysterious stranger, his family, and his girl Trixie, Speed races to right the wrongs of the big business fat cats and teach them rotten nogoodniks a lesson.

I already touched on the action a bit, what with the leaping race cars and other gadgets. The races are truly exciting. My favorite race by far was the rally race near the middle of the movie. Racing against four extremely hostile teams (as well as the rest of the racers,) Speed, Racer X, and their sponsoring team's racer, Taejo (Rain), ride through three climate changes and countless dangers. We get to see poison sprayers, sledgehammers, (remote controlled!) tire knives, giant steel spiked balls on the end of chains, and a, I kid you not, catapult loaded with a beehive. Classic!

There was also a particularly good fight scene during this race, though it doesn't come close to Pops Vs. Nonja. As the originators of "bullet time" I feel that the Wachowski's were under some pressure to deliver another cool fight-scene dynamic. They did. This time, they used the pretense of snowfall to create speed lines of sorts behind particularly fast and vicious punches and kicks. It sounds kinda cheesy, but the combination of the effect with the judicious use of slow and fast filming made for some great eye candy.

I also enjoyed, as did my girls, the mechanism the Wachowski bros. dreamed up for soon-to-die racers to net them that PG rating. Right before a car would suffer a mortal crash, sensors would trigger a safety mechanism that would cocoon the racer in a sphere of elastic bubbles. As the car exploded in a fiery, er, fireball, the racer would bounce out in a cute CGI sphere of bubbles, presumably picked up later safe and sound.

I knew this blockbuster season was going to be good. Prince Caspian opens today and (cue heavenly choir) Indiana Jones opens next week. There is a movie opening every week from now until the end of summer that I will probably try to see. However, I was not expecting to enjoy the first two so thoroughly. First, we were given Iron Man, which was undeniably awesome. Next, Speed Racer, which blew me away. I really wasn't expecting it to be that good. Plus, there's a chimp!

I give Speed Racer forty-two out of forty-five Chim Chim Cookies on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

To forestall any complaints about my reviews (like anyone that reads this cares enough to complain,) I know that my reviews are not completely objective and don't really take a critical look at the plot, writing, etc. Here's what I have to say to that. Phbtbtbtbtbtbt! Git yer own blog! I know what I like and I tell you why I liked it or didn't. You want a well-thought review that deeply examines the finer points of the cinematic experience, then go look up one of the psuedo-intellectual "critics" that foist that crap on the public. They're movies, the blockbusters in particular bear only a passing resemblance to art. If I wanted to pay $20.00 to see art, I'd take the metro into DC and pay to get into a high-end museum. Enjoy the blockbusters for the visceral thrills and spills, or you're going to waste your twenty.

Iron Man's Island

I know you're all dying to read my review of Iron Man, which I had intended to post Friday night/Saturday morning, right after the movie, but I suck, so I didn't. Well guess what? You get a bonus review of Nim's Island first! Aren't you lucky! Don't say I never gave you anything nice. Now, for those of you not interested in the heart-warming tale of little Nim and her self-titled island, feel free to skip past the review and head straight for my take on the face rocking that is Iron Man.

Nim's Island

For a movie that could be described as a three-way cross between Swiss Family Robinson, Home Alone, and Romancing the Stone, Nim's Island does pretty good. It is definitely a family movie, with the most threatening villain played by a bevy of fat cruise ship tourists and their hosts, but it had its moments.

Nim's Island is the story of how Nim (Abigail Breslin) and her scientist father, Jack (Gerard Butler), come to meet agoraphobic adventure novelist, Alexandra Rover (Jodie Foster). Early in Nim's life, her scientist mother was lost in an unfortunate scienty accident involving a blue whale. Searching the seven seas for their lost mother and wife, Nim and her father eventually settle on an uninhabited "secret" island in the South Pacific.

Naturally, life is idyllic in their tropical home. Nim has a host of animal friends to educate her
"Mr. Pelican, can you teach me the Galileo's principles of falling objects?"
"Caw!" [drops two differently-sized fish at the same time]
"Gee, thanks!"
Yes, this movie features intelligent, animatronic animals. This is not a selling point in my book, but thankfully the animatronic scenes are rare. Life like this continues until Nim's scientist father has to take a trip out into the ocean to do scienty stuff while Nim has to stay behind to help baby turtles (cue soft ooohing.)

Of course, this doesn't end well. It ends horribly, with Nim stranded on an island and her dad stranded in the middle of the ocean. Nim turns to the only person she can think of in her time of need, adventurer Alex Rover (played imaginarily by Gerard Butler, graduate of Eddie Murphy's school of acting,) conveniently reached by satellite email. Since the person behind Alex Rover is agoraphobic Alexandra Rover, mistaken identity hijinx ensue. After a not-so-helpful phone call to a New York 911 operator, agoraphobic Alexandra can't think of anything to do to help but brave the outside world and travel to Nim's island to help the little girl in distress.

The rest of the movie details Alexandra's attempts to make it to the island, which are by far, the most entertaining scenes of the movie. While Jodie Foster has never been at the top of my hot actress list, she really looked haggard in this movie. I think it was intentional, as near the end, she looked a bit better. Perhaps it was a statement on how the human condition improves when one focuses on the needs of others rather than one's own problems. Perhaps she just had a crappy makeup artist that got fired before the last few scenes were filmed. I don't know. These scenes treat us to the best in novelist-traveling-in-unfamiliar-locations moments since Romancing the Stone.

Also covered are Nim's too-cute attempts to keep her island secret from the aforementioned cruise ship tourists. It was no worse than I expected, but the Home Alone factor ceased to entertain after the first Macaulay Culkin feature.

I felt the worse for scientist father as he struggled to return home to Nim despite increasingly overwhelming odds. Every time he made progress, Mother Nature would deliver a soul-shattering backhand.

There's really nothing to say about the supporting cast, other than the cruise ship captain was fun to watch, if a bit of a caricature.

Nim's Island is not a bad movie. It's just not a good movie either. Chances are, if you have kids, they'll love it. It's good enough as little-kiddie fare goes. Having children that are very sensitive to scary imagery (they get nightmares from watching Monsters Inc,) I can sign off on this one as harmless as Pete's Dragon.

I give Nim's Island 22 out of 56 flying cgi lizards on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

Iron Man

Damn, this is a good movie.

Let me address the few minor complaints I have heard about this movie so far. First, the music. It's not horrible, no cheesy keyboards or anything like that, but it's not the thrilling fare you'd expect in a movie like this. Sadder still is the fact that its score was produced by legendary film soundscape creator, Hans Zimmer. Go ahead, click on his link. You'll see why I call him legendary. Those are some impressive credits.) I can't really defend the movie on this criticism. The music score should have been better.

The only other complaint I have heard is about the pacing. I really can't agree with this. Unlike other superhero movies (I'm looking at you, Hulk,) we see Iron Man kicking terrorist butt within the first half-hour. Act II doesn't feature many explosions, but we get important plot, character, and technology progression, without which, Act III would make no sense. Not only that, but most of the movie's laughs happen in Act II.

Gwyneth Paltrow as Virginia "Pepper" Potts, our lead character's major domo. While I have never found Paltrow stunning, I can't deny that she's attractive. I wouldn't have chosen her for the role of the ginger Potts, but her acting skills are undeniable. Her actions and reactions as the caretaker of the brilliantly eccentric Tony Stark are spot on, preventing me from thinking twice about Paltrow as Pepper. Although I did have a problem with her role as damsel in distress, or rather, as how she became such. More on that later.

The final complaint is my own. I understand that the creators wanted Pepper to be the one to take care of Tony's every need, but I missed his companion from the comics, Jarvis. Jarvis is to Tony Stark what Alfred is to Bruce Wayne. relegating him to a British-accented computer was a misstep, I think, but not a deal-breaker.

The superhero genre has been richly blessed in the past decade since Blade was released. We have seen amazing casting such as Patrick Stewart as Professor Xavier, Ian McKellen as Magneto, and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson (born for the role.) Now we have Robert Downey Jr. I don't think there is another actor that could have nailed the role of Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man, as good as Downey. The fact that Tony Stark is an alcoholic @$$hole and Downey has had numerous scandals for substance abuse in the past few years may have a little to do with it, but I credit Downey's talent with his excellent depiction of the billionaire superhero.

Another great casting call is Jeff Bridges as Obidiah Stane. I don't think Bridges has had enough roles as a villain. I don't say this because he did a poor job at it. I say this because I would love to see him in that role again. He was cold as ice. One of the other villains, Raza, was played by Faran Tahir. Not bad. He definitely had enough malice to fill the shoes of the Mandarin, if that is who is destined to become in a sequel.

Terrence Howard played the part of Tony's military liaison and closest thing to best friend, James "Roady" Rhodes. As the straight man to Tony's eccentric, he does well. He doesn't shine, but he does well. If he is to take up the Iron Man mantle in the future like his comic book analog, I expect a better performance then. Rounding out the cast are Leslie Bibb as a reporter/mindless conquest, who will always conjure up images of the red-neck ex-wife of Ricky Bobby in my mind, and Jon Favreau in a bit of self-casting as Harold "Happy" Hogan, Tony's chauffeur.

As for Favreau's other duties in Iron Man, he directs a mean movie. For those not familiar with Iron Man from the comics, here's the story in a nutshell. Tony Stark is the brilliant progeny of a weapons manufacturer tycoon. He stays in the family business until he is near-fatally wounded by some shrapnel in a war zone. Captured, his fellow prisoner creates a device to prevent the shrapnel from entering his heart, giving Tony the idea to create a mechanized suit of armor to protect himself and escape. The armor is wildly successful and Tony goes on to create ever more advanced suits while fighting supercrime and moonlighting as a billionaire tycoon.

That's pretty much the story in both the comic and the movie. The movie, however, is much more exciting than that little paragraph implies. Not only do we get to see Iron Man school terrorists once, but twice. We also get to witness some of what made the Armor Wars storyline in the comics the greatest Iron Man story so far. The special effects on the suits were phenomenal. Depicting believable metal is perhaps one of CGI's greatest strengths. ILM worked that strength for all it was worth. I never once suffered a break in my suspension of disbelief. Of course, having one of Hollywood's greatest special effects houses work on your movie will get you that. Favreau does his part with the live characters to keep that going.

He faltered in one place, though. Having Pepper accompany the Strategic Homeland Intervention Espionage Logistics Division (Just call us SHIELD, har!) agents to arrest the villain made no practical sense. If we take a more meta-textual look at it, the move was an easy way to make her a damsel in distress. However, there must be dozens of different ways to achieve that effect.

No worries, though. The break in suspension is only momentary as the action draws you right back in. So we have Act I, character development and terrorist @$$kicking, Act II, character, plot, and technology, with frequent tasteful humor capped by terrorist @$$kicking, and Act III, culmination of Act I and II, the Armor Wars. Well done, Favreau, well done. Kudos also go to Stan "The Man" Lee, comics god and cameo actor extraordinaire.

I give Iron Man 94 out of 99 shellheads on a scale I just made up that doesn't mean anything.

Oh, and wait through the credits to see an awesome scene.

Welcome to May!

And now, here's a message from Despair Inc. for all you lolcat lovers out there.



This last Tuesday we went to Asahi (nee Kobe's,) a Japanese hibachi grill, to celebrate another birthday. Happy birthday, Paul! As usual, the cook was very entertaining. This one was actually better than others we've had. He had a few jokes, but it was funnier watching his reactions to the hibachi grill n00b we had with us. She was Paul's date and had apparently never eaten at a place like that before. After the first gout of flame from the cook's oil-covered grill, she scooted her chair back about three feet. She was sitting right in the middle where we forced her to sit after finding out she had never been before, of course. I don't think she trusted our cook with that much flame. The show went on with plenty of laughs until the cook was ready to make the main course. Naturally, he had to oil up the grill again. By this time, Paul's date had inched her way forward so she was only about a foot from the table again. FWOOSH! She was a good sport about it, but the look in her eye told the cook that if he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't light anything else on fire. Naturally, he did it anyway. This time it was just the onion volcano, so no one came to bodily harm, but the risk was there.

Perhaps, no, definitely more entertaining was Stacy's attempt at catching shrimp. The cook had set aside some shrimp to chop into tiny bits and toss into the diners' mouths near the end. Most everyone caught theirs after the first, second, or third try. Stacy, not so much. The cook actually ran out of shrimp bits to toss at Stacy as they rebounded off her chin, nose, forehead, pink hair, and even her teeth when she was laughing too hard to open her mouth. There was a collection of shrimp arrayed around her chair that would feed an Ethiopian family. Finally, after "recycling" the last of the bits that landed on the table, the cook made the shot and Stacy caught it. She nearly received a standing ovation.

It's comforting to know that even when we get out without the kids, we don't need them to fling food all over and make the cleaning staff earn their money.

Birthdays, Golf, Hair Dying, the Usual

It's been a busy week for me. Besides the fact that Stacy apparently hijacked my blog (don't save your login if Stacy is around.) I had quite a bit to do. This Thursday, we helped Kathleen celebrate her mumble mumble birthday at Clydes in Ashburn. I hope your mumble mumblenth year is a great one, Kathleen! Thursday was also the birthday of the son of a good family friend. Happy 2nd, Traven! His birthday was a bit low-key compared to Kathleen's. Although he probably had more fun sticking his hands into the cake than Kathleen did. Then again, she may have done that after we left. She was on her second cocktail by then. Maybe I shoulda hung out.

I took Friday off after being invited to a round of golf with some friends of mine from church. Although I remember going to the courses with my dad a couple of times, I've never swung anything bigger than a putt-putt putter in my life. I warned my partners of my extreme lack of experience and general lack of shape. Well, not so much lack of shape as lack of definition. It seems as time goes on, I grow a bit more blurry around the outside. I plan to eventually blur into a big, round, Scott-colored blob. Hah hah!

But I digress. After renting some clubs and a cart, my partner and I joined the other two in our party and we hit a few balls around. I was told that I don't swing like a girl. I swing like a nerd. I chose to take that as a compliment. After three or four holes, I felt I was actually getting the hang of it. A few good, solid contacts with the ball does wonders for your confidence. I found that my skills for expert green-reading do not extend past Mario Golf. As one of my partners said, I could scare the crap out of any hole without actually getting it in. I think I sunk four or five by the end of the 18 holes. I'd post a score, but with the amount of pickups I did, it really wouldn't be an accurate reflection of my performance.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There was talk of making us a semi-regular foursome, which is very appealing. I'd love to go again. There is a church-sponsored golf swing event at a local driving range this coming Thursday that I'll be attending. Maybe I can work on keeping my club head down instead of topping the ball and pretending the fairway is a big pool table. Now if I can just convince Stacy that I want a set of clubs for Father's Day.

Stacy and I got to go out Saturday night. Out was in, this time. Our church has been running adult dinner groups to help people to get to know fellow church members that they normally would only see a couple hours a week. We had a great time, especially discussing the unorthodox method of ridding yourself of caterpillars using half-empty cans of beer. No comment on how the cans of beer reach the half-empty state.

Stacy's newest hair dye had arrived earlier that day, hot pink this time. On a whim, we stopped by the drug store to pick up a bleaching kit on the way home. After driving the babysitter home and tucking the girls in bed, I set about playing at being a beautician. Stacy was very patient as I painted bleaching solution all over her head. After an hour and half, Stacy was thoroughly blonde. It was an odd thing to see. I have never seen her mid-dye like that before. I don't think blonde is a good color for her. You can be the judge further down in the post. After a quick rinse in the sink and a shampoo upstairs, Stacy was ready for the actual dye. Now that was fun. It's been a while since I've been able to indulge my artistic side. While saturating someone's head in hot pink dye isn't exactly painting, it felt something like it as I brushed the vibrant paste through her hair.

And let me tell you. Hot pink barely does the color any justice.

While it's not quite as impressive as in person, you can see the color in the slideshow. Stacy revealed today that her hair color is supposed to react to black light. I'm going to be digging mine out of the Halloween decorations tomorrow. If it's this trippy in normal light, I can hardly wait to see how surreal it is in the dark.

No "The Office" review this week. I got to the episode late and it's a bit untimely to review it now. It was a good one, though. I was glad to see that the little prick Ryan isn't having quite as great of a life as it had seemed before. I'll try to get in a good review next week.

Also, Ironman opens this Friday, so there's that too.

Now, the slideshow:

Mawwaaahha

I have taken over Scott's Blog. He left himself signed in. Now his evil crazy wife can write all the things about him you never knew.

He is afraid of the dark. (not really)
He hates the color purple. (not really)
He wishes he had a boy. (So not true he just wishes for more guns)
Hmm now I ran out of weird things to write about him. I love you dear

Tammy Would Like to Play

I just got an email from my sister about her new car. Congratulations, Tammy! It looks like a lot of fun. For those of you who don't know her, this car fits her personality to a T.

To a "T"? What does that even mean? How do you fit anything to a T, much less a personality? Where do these things come from? Why would I say that? Who do I think I am? Wait, who am I? Where am I? What's going on?

I'm scared.

Oh yeah, some pictures:

Goodbye, Dave, and Godspeed

Just thought I'd drop a quick note and take a moment to say good-bye to a beloved comic book blogger, Dave Campbell. Dave has ruled the roost at Dave's Long Box since March of 2005. That's a long time to have been a blogger, much less a comic blogger. I've been reading Dave's blog for almost as long as I've known about blogs. I wish him good fortune in his future efforts, blogging and otherwise. My hat off to you, Sir Dave.

See, even James Remar is sad to see Dave go.

Chair Model: A Return to Funny

Last night's episode of The Office was like coming home. We return to the comfortable environs of the Scranton branch and all of the lovable and somewhat hapless employees of Michael Scott. Wait, did I say employees? I meant match-makers. Bereft at the loss of his love life, Michael forces his people to set him up with eligible lady-friends or be fired. Hilarity ensues. No, really, it ensues like crazy.

Imagine, if you will, Pam setting up Michael with her sweet, unsuspecting landlady. Dwight pledging as God as his witness, to not only find a chair model that Michael is smitten with, but bring her back and force her to bear his seed. HIS SEED. Kevin giving the name of his hot and juicy redhead, Wendy (try your best figuring out who that really is.)

We also get a nice romantic bomb dropped on us from one of the subplots. Jam fans should be thrilled with that one.

Here are some great lines from this episode.

Creed (after talking about getting a second chair): Only one to go.

Michael (in sympathy to Kevin's fiance dumping him): You don't deserve her.

Michael (trying to drum up a date from Oscar): Hello Oscar Meyer weiner-lover.

Michael: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin?

Stanley (on Michael's "love cards"): There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.

Michael: I'm a man of intensity. Of...of...cool. And youth. And...and...passionately.

Andy: Did I do this for me? No. I did this for the little guy. The Joe sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his $400 a month apartment and wonders how he's going to pay his mortgage that month, wonders how he's going to fill his car up with oil, wonders how am I gonna pay my kids orphanage bills? That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.

Obligatory Self-Congratulatory Dept

As I was walking out the door yesterday, my boss stopped me in the hall and called me back to my cube. There, he presented me with a Mysterious Box. What's in the box? A little touch of ego.

Spider-Man World Tour Concludes, For Now!

To finish off his whirlwind tour, Spider-Man takes us through an introspective look at what is undoubtedly his greatest appearance ever, the short-lived "The Amazing Spider-Man" from 1978. Here we see Spider-Man back in his native New York, settling down after his world tour to fight crime the old-fashioned way, with bulky metallic web spinners and shiny bulging eyes!


Bonus additional scenes from the Japanese leg of Spidey's tour!

The Office: Dinner Party (A Date with Disappointment?)

Sooooo, we finally got a new episode of The Office Thursday annnnnnnnd, it was kinda disappointing. I expected a lot more from the wizards behind The Office after such a long hiatus.

Quickie summary: Jan and Michael have a few people over for a dinner party. Jan and Michael have a creepy relationship. Jan and Michael make everyone feel really uncomfortable, including the audience. Everyone leaves and their relationships are revealed to be really crappy too, except for Jam who have the only purely amusing scene in the episode.

I think achieving uncomfortable humor successfully is a fine art. One at which The Office generally excels. The show usually hits more often and harder with the funny than a Ben Stiller movie. Perhaps in this one the creepy uncomfortableness was too far out or not far out enough. I just couldn't avoid feeling like one of the people at the dinner party, which would not have been fun at all.

Am I wrong? Was it a great episode? What do you think?

The Most Important Bill of All, A clean bill of health.

For those of you that didn't know, Stacy went into surgery today. It was voluntary and planned, so no worries there. She has had a history of bad sinus infections for as long as I've known her. Her ear/nose/throat doctor told her that they are in part caused by the small sinus opening in her left nostril. Today, she had it widened.

Stacy came through just fine. The doctor said that there were no problems and she was ready to walk, or wheel rather, out in about 45 minutes. She's resting as I write this, but in good health and spirits.

Spider-Man World Tour: Dasvidanya!

In a surprise move, Spider-man decided to appear as Peter Parker for the Russian leg of his world tour. Watch closely, an unmasked Eddie Brock makes an appearance towards the end.

Your Monthly Moment of Inspiration

Ever had one of those lifetimes?

Good News!

I'm really excited. I was going to post this later when things are finalized, but I don't think I can wait. I just got off the phone with Stacy so she knows first (I'd hate to have her learn from someone else that's read my blog.)

I got a huge promotion! It involves a bit of travel, but I think it's worth it. Besides, what's a couple of trips to Iceland when this much money is involved? Did I mention the money? Scads of it! We're going to have the biggest house in Saskatchewan! Oh yeah, we have to move to Saskatchewan. The commute will be pretty much the same anywhere we live out there, since I'll have the corporate helicopter to pick me up. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the semi-quarterly meetings in Southern Mexico. I think somewhere in Mérida, Yucatán. I hear they've got really cheap medication for sale down there, so I can hook some people up while I'm at it.

We're so excited! We'll be flying to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Friday for a house-hunting expedition (sled dogs and everything, it's going to be great!) Anyone want to watch Blue for us while we're gone?

Leave your congratulations in the comments!

Spider-Man World Tour: Hindi Style!

My apologies, my posts are going to be even more sporadic than usual in the coming weeks. How is that possible, you ask? Nobody likes a wise arse, is my answer.

I've started online college courses again. I'm hoping to be done with my bachelor's degree sometime this fall. We'll see.

In the meantime, we rejoin Spider-Man on his whirlwind international tour. Today's stop: India!

Spider-Man World Tour Layover in NYC

Spider-Man takes a brief rest from his World Tour to quench his thirst. Er, their thirst. He - er - they must really lika the juice.



And what's a bunch of Spider-Men without a Superman, princess, Dracula, dog, and two monkeys thrown into the mix?

It Comes As No Surprise to Anyone

Here's what you already knew.

TV Reviews

Yup, I don't like to toot my own horn, so I'll let some random site with no credibility do it for me!

Happy St. Patrick's Day (and other unrelated asides)

So yeah, happy drink-a-bunch-of-green-beer and puke magic on the sidewalk! Actually, I'm pretty sure almost everyone that reads this thing doesn't drink. We celebrated Shamrock Day and the first day of Spring by also celebrating a good friend's baptism at Sweetwater Tavern. That's right, Drunken Ribeye. If I'm not going to get drunk, why not get my dinner drunk? After a quick second trip to the grill, my steak was perfect. I still have yet to eat a more flavorful steak than theirs.

Congrats, Paul!

Completely Unrelated and Actually Longer than the Main Entry Dept.
Stacy and I have spent the last couple of days catching up on some of our recorded television shows, specifically, Pushing Daisies.

Let me give you a little background. Pushing Daisies was created by Brian Fuller, the same man that created Dead Like Me for Showtime. We loved that show. It was about a girl with no life to speak of that finds, upon flaming death by rocketing space toilet debris, that she is now a grim reaper. She meets other reapers, who treat this supernatural job like a, well, job. The high-concept is as quirky as it sounds, made even more quirky by the cast and situations throughout the series. It was a joy to watch and left us wanting more every week.

Unfortunately, Showtime only aired two seasons before giving Dead Like Me the scythe.

Mr. Fuller next graced us with an even shorter-lived series on Fox, this one called Wonderfalls. It featured a hapless girl in a dead-end job at a gift shop atop Niagra Falls avoiding the successes the rest of her family had made. A brief 'sode in the first episode revealed that she could talk to inanimate objects, or rather, inanimate objects could talk to her. They would do so at increasingly entertaining times, often pestering her until she did some seemingly random or counter-productive act that would always wind up for the betterment of her life or the lives of those around her.

Again, high concept was brought masterfully to fruition by Brian Fuller's talent and skill as the charmingly quirky show progressed. given that it was a great show with a fantasy theme aired on Fox could only mean one thing, of course. Cancellation. This time after a mere three episodes. We managed to see nine episodes aired (according to www.tv.com, I remember fewer) before the show was fully taken off the air. Mercifully, the DVD that came out early the next year contained all of the filmed episodes, 13 or 14 in all.

Now, ABC brings us Pushing Daisies. A high concept series if there ever was one. This time, our protagonist is a pie maker (played by Wonderfall's protagonist's on-screen brother) with the unique ability to bring any dead thing to life by merely touching it. However, if he touches it again, it will die again, this time forever. The other and more worrisome caveat is that if a thing is kept alive longer than a minute, then something (or someone) must die in its place. Nature loves balance, I suppose. The first part of his ability has led us to the best charming quirk of this quirk-filled show, his inability to share any intimate contact with his childhood and current sweetheart, whom he had to bring back to life in the first episode. This leads to many adorable, sometimes almost sickeningly, scenes as the two of them find new ways to express their affection. I say almost sickeningly because I'm a big softy and Fuller often manages to offset the schmaltz with appropriate reactions from the hardened knitting detective (the pie-maker's partner) and the love-lorn waitress (pining for the pie-maker *choke*!)

Now with the concept out of the way, how is the show itself? Just as good as I'd expect it to be, delivered with panache, style, and a vibrant dream-like color palette by Mr. Fuller. I found myself throughout the episodes exclaiming, "she's so darned cute!" of the pie-maker's sweetheart, or, "I love watching Emerson!" as the knitting detective tried to abrasively escape the conversations that cropped up around him, or, "I love Olive!" even though she's vying for an obviously smitten pie-maker's heart, or, "Swoozie Kurtz is hilarious!" as childhood sweetheart's grieving aunts, Vivian and Lilly, reminisced about synchronized mermaid swimming, or, "The narrator is perfect!"

That last one is perhaps the most personally jarring for me, since the show is narrated by Jim Dale, the voice behind the audio recordings of most of the Harry Potter books. It's personally jarring because I could not stand the way he narrated many of the characters in the books. I have no such problems here. He's got the cultured British accent and story-telling cadence that showcase the eccentricity, charm, and magic that is Pushing Daisies.

Pushing Daisies is a bittersweet joy to watch. A joy, for the obvious care that is given to craft an engaging fantasy that has yet to disappoint in its nine episodes thus far. Bittersweet, for the knowledge that it is just a snappy reality show pitch away from the chopping block. Pushing Daisies was granted a reprieve after the writer's strike this year. It is getting another chance to dazzle audiences come this Fall. I will certainly be one of those prepared to be dazzled.

If you're interested in keeping truly original programming on the air, especially when the alternative is another reality show, you may want to check out Pushing Daisies for yourself. There are five full episodes on ABC's site. I highly recommend them.

Oh, and if you have a Nielsen's box on your TV, please, please, please don't let this show get canceled. I haven't had nearly enough yet!

Full Episode (with considerably fewer commercials than when first aired!)

Spider-Man: World Tour

Next stop for our globe-hopping wall crawler? Japan!