New Job Blues

I realized again as I wrapped up my day in the NOC last Saturday that I really don’t like endings. I don’t like saying goodbye. I don’t like closing chapters on what was overall a positive experience in my life. I wasn’t too sentimental about leaving Reston. I will miss RTC, but I think that is because I am very familiar with it and Dulles is considerably more daunting in comparison. I will miss my friends in the NOC more.

As I came into work on Monday and sat down in my empty cubicle. I do mean empty; no computer, nothing on the desk, in the drawers, or in the cabinets. I think they thought I would be bringing my own equipment with me. The joke is on them. I got nuthin. I brought in my home laptop after a warning last week from Jamie, a friend and fellow programmer.

So I sat there with my laptop, which was dwarfed by the empty space around it, completely at a loss. I had no direction. I had no equipment, I had nothing to do but wait for the all-hands meeting to start at 10:00. After a few minutes, two of my new team members strolled in and we chatted for a little bit. However, it was clear they had their own things to do before the all hands, so I went back to the scant solitude of my empty cubicle.

The all-hands meeting was considerably better. They gave each of us assigned seating and I happened to be at a table with two people I had worked with before. The familiar faces were nice to see. Two hours later and we adjourned to the “fun” portion of the meeting at the Dulles Golf Center down the way. The food was good, but since Jamie decided to stay at work to finish some things up, I really had no one to talk with. I searched out a couple of my new teammates and sat with them, but after a few minutes of not being introduced to others at the table and being politely ignored in conversation. I realized something else.

I really don’t like beginnings. I am slow to make friends and I fear my shyness often comes off as aloofness. I tend to stay on the quiet side until I get to know the people around me, and I haven’t done that yet. Things tend to get off on a slow pace for me in social situations, which is one reason I avoid them when possible. I’d rather have a close-knit group of friends that I can identify with and feel comfortable around.

What I like is middles. That time period when I am comfortable in my surroundings, I know what I’m meant to do, I know the people I need to interact with, and I can see what’s coming. Call it a comfort zone thing or whatever, but I like it. I am eagerly looking forward to reaching that point here.