Somebody Looks Fantaaaastic!

Jon, Jamie, Casey, and I went to see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer on Monday. Judging by their previous effort, I could have gone into the movie expecting it to fall somewhere between Fantastic Four and Daredevil in the realm of crappy comic adaptations. However, the trailers made it look much better than that and may have skewed my expectations more towards X-Men levels.

Happily, I was not disappointed. This one was far better than the first in almost every respect. Unfortunately, three of the things that sucked from the first one made their way into this one. Namely, Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, and Julian McMahon. Grifod just doesn’t do a convincing Reed Richards. He tries his darndest, I’ll give him that, but he doesn’t make it. Jessica Alba, though one of the holy three Jessicas, has just about zero acting ability. Naturally, she makes up for it by showing off her boobs. Being the 21^st Century Cro Magnon Man I am, I don’t mind that much. Still, she is no Susan Storm.

The biggest stinker of the bunch is without a doubt McMahon. The man has no presence. He’s about as threatening as Mort Goldman from Family Guy. How can he even hope to pull of someone of Dr. Victor Von Doom’s imposing personality? It is as if the Casting Powers That Be decided that there was no way they could impart Doom’s over-the-top megalomania in a realistic manner, so they went 180 degrees and cast a milquetoast instead. There may be some truth to that sentiment, but that is no reason not to try, dammit!

Mort Doom, pleased to meet you.

Oh gosh, I hope that didn't come off as too pushy!

That said, Dr. Doom in his armor was definitely a sight to behold. They got that part right. Too bad it didn’t happen until the end. Doug Jones as the Surfer was outstanding. Laying Laurence Fishburne’s voice over the top made the Shining One fun to watch. He did some kee-razy things with his board that made for some splendid visual effects. Chris Evans gave his encore performance of Johnny Storm the same treatment as his first. He may not be born for the role like Michael Chiklis is for The Thing, but that doesn’t hurt him any. Chiklis was great. They roughed up his rock a little bit and lengthened his brow. I can see them slowly working him into the current comic book incarnation just as Ben Grimm evolved into a rockier Thing there.

One of Jon’s complaints was Galactus. I was just relieved that they didn’t have him as a giant space fart as some of the early images indicated. What they did do was nod to the comic community in the form of a silhouette in the shape of Ol’ Purple Pants’ helmet over Saturn and then again when the Surfer met with Galactapus. I had no complaints. Considering what form Galactus has taken in the comic books from time to time, specifically in an issue of Quasar back in the day, it wasn’t far from the source.

The visuals were excellent. Even seeing the Fantasticar in action wasn’t as cheesy as it could have been. Sue’s use of powers was not only well done, but appropriate for her ability. The Thing didn’t get as much clobberin’ time as I would have liked, but what he did was good. Human Torch looked perfect, especially in the scenes with the Silver Surfer. Dr. Doom’s weird organic lightning power was present, but did nothing that he couldn’t have designed his suit to do, so I still see that as an unnecessary conceit. The Surfer’s power was fun to watch, but had an odd origin that didn’t really jive with the comics. It was used as a plot device, though, so I can’t fault them too much.

The one power I did not appreciate the use of was Reed’s stretching ability. There is just something about Ioaian Griuoffffffiuod that doesn’t sell it to me. There were a couple of good scenes with it, one of which was in London, the other when it was not Reed using it. Speaking of that scene, which you see briefly in some trailers, I loved watching Johnny do the Super Skrull thing and use all four powers at once. While it remains to be seen if the Skrulls will make an appearance in a future FF movie, who knows if the Super Skrull will as well? This is probably the closest thing we’ll get to seeing that sort of action and it was fantastic (pun intended.)

I was a bit disappointed with the blatant product placement throughout the film. Dodge was plastered all over the Fantasticar, which struck me as contrary to Reed’s earlier sentiments about corporate sponsoring. Dos Equis was not just prominently featured, it was practically shoved in my face and spilled in my lap. They would have had to give out free bottles of the stuff to make the message any clearer.

I give this movie 3 ½ out of 5 super powered astronauts on a scale that I just made up and doesn’t matter for a thing.