Welcome to December

Was that a tumbleweed that just rolled by? Yup, this place feels deserted. It's not though, just in hibernation. Here's December's demotivational message to tide you over.

GET TO WORK
You Aren't Being Paid to Believe in the Power of your Dreams.

Yes sir, poster sir! Getting to work!

Me No Remember to Post November

I took this back on the third, then promptly forgot to post it. Welcome to November! My favorite part of this one how the picture so aptly enforces the caption.

Welcome to October, er, Three Days Ago

Blurry caption reads: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Semi-Related Side Note Dept.
As you can see by the widget to the right, this month brings us The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. It's a charming all-ages story about a child that grows up in a graveyard a la Mowgli in Kipling's The Jungle Book. If you've read any of Neil Gaiman's stuff and liked it, you shouldn't hesitate to buy it. If you've never read Gaiman's stuff, then start with this one. It's a light and entertaining read.

Tangental Side Note Dept.
It's already been shared elsewhere, but Stacy, Jon, the girls, and I had a great time at the National Book Fair in DC last Saturday. We got to buy The Graveyard Book a few days early, hear Gaiman read an excerpt and answer some questions, and meet him personally to have our books signed. The last time he came to town, Stacy was pregnant with Scarlett and had long purple hair. This time, she's pregnant with our son and has short pink hair. When we got to the front of the line, I mentioned the fact that my wife was pregnant last time he was at the festival and signed our books. His reply was along the lines of, "Good lord, and she's still pregnant!?" He signed my book by drawing a little gravestone with the inscription, "Scott, she's still pregnant?" Neil Gaiman rocks.

Loud September Greetings

With Focus, Dedication and Steroids, Men Can Achieve Impossible Dreams.
Like Breaking a World Record. Or Growing Their Own Breasts

My how isn't this year flying by? As can be seen by the crappy cell phone camera picture above, it is time for another month of demotivation! Yay September! Month that starts off Fall, my favorite season, my birth month, and school. That's a triple threat I can support!

Stay tuned for my abysmal review of an ill-advised movie!

I love question marks today!

They're great!

I can't stop shouting!

For the love of all that's holy, someone take away this keyboard!

Tradition! AND! Why You No Post?

Welcome to August! Where have I been? What have I been doing? Well, besides having viewed The Dark Knight a total of three times now, one being in IMAX (yes, it was awesome,) I've been hanging out with my brother, David, and niece, Shelby.

They flew in a the beginning of last week and we've been going nonstop since then. We hit the major local points, the Manassas Battlegrounds, the Udvar-Hazy National Air and Space Museum, Hershey's World of Chocolate, The National Mall (including the Lincoln, Korean War, Vietnam Veterans, and WWII monuments,) The National Natural History Museum, and King's Dominion. We also took some time out to go swimming, attend church, and play some DND, Magic, and Boom Blox.

On top of all that, I've been keeping up with my coursework for my bachelor's degree. It's been a crazy week. We've loved having them here, though. I'm really sad to see David go home today. It's the first time he's been out and the first time he and I have spent that much quality time together since I left for my mission back in 1995. Fortunately, Shelby is spending a few more weeks with us, so we'll get to have more good times with her.

As for the coursework for school, it's become considerably heavier since I got into a class that I can't coast through on existing experience and knowledge. I'm learning a whole new programming language and it's taking a bit to get into. Expect the sporadic updates to continue until I'm done with this class and the next. Sorry folks.

Happy July!

Happy July, everyone! And to get this month started off right, here's your latest demotivational message from those happy folks at Despair Inc.!

Welcome to May!

And now, here's a message from Despair Inc. for all you lolcat lovers out there.



This last Tuesday we went to Asahi (nee Kobe's,) a Japanese hibachi grill, to celebrate another birthday. Happy birthday, Paul! As usual, the cook was very entertaining. This one was actually better than others we've had. He had a few jokes, but it was funnier watching his reactions to the hibachi grill n00b we had with us. She was Paul's date and had apparently never eaten at a place like that before. After the first gout of flame from the cook's oil-covered grill, she scooted her chair back about three feet. She was sitting right in the middle where we forced her to sit after finding out she had never been before, of course. I don't think she trusted our cook with that much flame. The show went on with plenty of laughs until the cook was ready to make the main course. Naturally, he had to oil up the grill again. By this time, Paul's date had inched her way forward so she was only about a foot from the table again. FWOOSH! She was a good sport about it, but the look in her eye told the cook that if he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't light anything else on fire. Naturally, he did it anyway. This time it was just the onion volcano, so no one came to bodily harm, but the risk was there.

Perhaps, no, definitely more entertaining was Stacy's attempt at catching shrimp. The cook had set aside some shrimp to chop into tiny bits and toss into the diners' mouths near the end. Most everyone caught theirs after the first, second, or third try. Stacy, not so much. The cook actually ran out of shrimp bits to toss at Stacy as they rebounded off her chin, nose, forehead, pink hair, and even her teeth when she was laughing too hard to open her mouth. There was a collection of shrimp arrayed around her chair that would feed an Ethiopian family. Finally, after "recycling" the last of the bits that landed on the table, the cook made the shot and Stacy caught it. She nearly received a standing ovation.

It's comforting to know that even when we get out without the kids, we don't need them to fling food all over and make the cleaning staff earn their money.

Your Monthly Moment of Inspiration

Ever had one of those lifetimes?

March, Still Working on that Customer (dis)Service

March continues the theme started in February of sticking it to the customer.

February, It's all about the customer

Time for your monthly shot of enthusiasm, brought to you by my Despair Inc wall calendar.

Fairly Awesome Late Christmas Present

My coworker Jennifer gave the whole team calendars from Despair Inc. I have to say, it ranks up there among the more awesome gifts I've received. I'll try to remember to give you all your monthly shot of reality when the calendar page flips over.

Bonus:
From the Demotivator page at Despair Inc.
MOTIVATION. Psychology tells us that motivation- true, lasting motivation- can only come from within. Common sense tells us it can't be manufactured or productized. So how is it that a multi-billion dollar industry thrives through the sale of motivational commodities and services? Because, in our world of instant gratification, people desperately want to believe that there are simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound.

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder and COO